[David, as Valdeen] Well, here we are again trudging through the snow. Now, I can't rightly recall, but didn't we just finish a bunch of unpleasant walking through snow? Why the hell are we doing it again? Oh, yeah--that's right: we got a blood curse on us, don't we? Yeah. Baba Yaga, the baddest witch of them all. Man, I once thought my darkest days were behind me. Huh. Well, speaking of dark days, have you ever seen ravens by the thousands coming straight at ya? Swarms of them? I mean, moving across the sky like shadowy waves of anger, descending upon you in a swirl of black feathers, claws, and blood; pecking and scratching. I think poor Gary got the worst of it, honestly, but, heh, after after a blast or two from Vasilisa's fiery hands, you know, and I shot once or twice, they- they pecked right off. Yeah, it doesn't doesn't rest my mind any easier, though. These foul creatures are agents of the ones we're here to stop and if they're in the sky, they're seeing us everywhere we go, how are we gonna stand up against this force? We quite possibly have pissed off one of the meanest witches by going into her tower and closing the portal, and I--well, I might be a unicorn, but, man, I'm not feelin' very lucky today.
[Music: opening theme plays (“Jelly Castle (orchestral remix)” by MDK Music)]
[Elizabeth] I just- I just still love the happenstance that Valdeen is both
[Elizabeth and Zac, in unison] The Rabbit Prince
[Elizabeth] and then
[Elizabeth and David, in unison] The Unicorn. [both laugh]
[Elizabeth] He's just-
[Zac] He's so fancy!
[Zac] Well, but that- and then we find out he is kind of fancy.
[Amanda] That's true!
[David] Yeah. He's had a- He was fancy at one point.
[James] He was fancy at one point
[Elizabeth] Pretty exciting.
[Zac] I mean, you're fancy on the inside. Like, you can't get rid of that.
[Zac] You can take the fancy out of the boy, but you can't take the boy out of the fancy.
[James] Fancy at One Point and on the Inside: The Valdeen Story.
[David] Yeah. That's-
[James] No? No. Okay
[James] No. Got it! Got it. Nope, nope; your faces said it all. We will not be publishing that book-
[Zac] Well, you gotta- Hold on. You didn't you didn't really frame what you were about to lay on us, you just laid it on to us and then waited for the- I think if you would set up what you were about to do and then given us a chance to absorb it, it would have gone over much better. I don't- I didn't know what you were doing.
[James] What about a novel written by Valdeen called-
[Zac] What would the title of a novel like that be, James?
[James] Oh, man, I don't remember what I said earlier.
[David and Amanda laugh]
[Zac] It must have been pretty good!
[James] Must have been super memorable
[David] It's too bad we-
[Amanda] Those are the ones that we always forget
[David] It's too bad that it's not recorded. Aww
[James] Lost forever! No possible way to recover it!
[James] Zac, is there any way we could recover that (backwards question mark)
[David] Yes! The backwards question mark
[Zac] You can't just make your own punctuation.
[David] Yes, we can.
[Elizabeth] Uh, watch us.
[David and Amanda laugh; Zac sighs]
[Zac] Yeah, now I've got an Episode Nine thing going on, it's like all bzh-bzh-bzh, you can't understand anything. Sorry.
[James] Oh, shit.
[Zac] It's unsalvageable.
[James] Well, dick bags.
[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]
[James] Well, I hope everyone had a wonderful night's sleep. Um, as I said, maybe this was the last solid one you guys will ever have.
[David] It better not be.
[Amanda laughs in agreement]
[James] I hope it isn't. That'd be terrible.
[Amanda] Yeah, that would be.
[James] Oh, my goodness. But, here you all are! You're waking up. The sun's up. Hatch and Vasilisa have already been up. Everyone else is waking up. Good morning, good morning.
[Zac, as Bolka, yawns]
[David, as Valdeen] Good morning
[Amanda, singing] Good morning, good morning!
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, my-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] You are far too chipper in the morning, Marge.
[Zac, as Bolka] I thought she would be sad. She has been sad lately, but I- she seems very-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] It's- I mean- No, it's good. You're right. It's good to see Marge smiling. I don't know why I would complain.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I am going to just draw my Harrowed card for the day.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, ya sure you want to do that, now?
[David, as Valdeen] I-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Look, it gives me a benefit each day if I see what the Harrow has to tell me, and today it has to tell me The Avalanche, so...
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, dear. Well, I'm supposin' we should stay away from cliffs and mountains and snow.
[Zac, as Bolka] No, is-
[James] Snow and-
[Elizabeth] Vasilisa looks around... [laughs]
[Zac, as Bolka] No, is Harrow Deck, The Avalanche actually means like a wave of fortune or- Never mean what it says. Avalanche is not avalanche. Right? Am I right about that?
[David, as Valdeen] It's-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I mean-
[David, as Valdeen] -'have a lunch,' right? 'Cause 'have a lunch,' not 'avalanche.'
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] It would be very odd and rare if The Avalanche was an actual, literal avalanche, but it is usually a disaster.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, that's, uh-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] So...
[Amanda, as Marge] Still not good!
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Look: Having the warning of The Avalanche in the morning lets me be more capable of avoiding the disaster coming for us should it happen today.
[David, as Valdeen] So, like, look out, there's danger ahead?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes! My reflexes shall be- [makes 'hu! hu!' sounds to represent speedy reflexes]
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, that is good- good to know that there will be danger-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Much better. Yes, exactly
[David, as Valdeen] I mean-
[Zac, as Bolka] -on our treacherous--I know sarcasm is a low form of comedy, but I still- I kind of respect all forms.
[David, as Valdeen] Did you say I use a low form of comedy, Bolka?
[Zac, as Bolka] No--Oh, was that you? I was being sarcastic. You were being sarcastic, too?
[David, as Valdeen] Oh. Okay.
[Zac, as Bolka] No, I- It was me. It was- It was to call myself out because that was, that was low-hanging fruit, but still-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] We like fruit
[Zac, as Bolka] -I think we knew that there was going to be some danger.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No, yes
[David, as Valdeen] That was- That was my point
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] but I am going to be better able to handle it.
[Amanda, as Marge] So, uh, what does The, uh, The Avalanche actually mean?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No, it means a disaster is coming, and it could be physical, it could be not physical-
[Amanda, as Marge] Wonderful
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] -but when we could be overrun by disaster. It could mean we avert the disaster
[David, as Valdeen] Maybe it's someone else's disaster
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] And, really, it's just speaking to me, and it is giving me the ability to have a-- [describes] I get a plus two on a single dex roll today
[Amanda] That could help you avert a disaster!
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Indeed! I shall dodge most admirably when an avalanche happens.
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes
[James] What's everyone having for breakfast?
[Zac, as Bolka] Dexterously jump out of the way.
[Elizabeth] Uh, beans. We need to eat the beans. [Amanda laughs; Elizabeth continues] Before they go bad.
[Elizabeth] I think Vasilisa has probably just been like stewing beans during her watch.
[Zac] Ah, bean stew
[David] Valdeen's probably chewing on some like rations, some hard tack
[Elizabeth] Think of it as like split pea soup.
[Zac, as Bolka] I guess. I mean, it will have protein.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No, it is most nutritious, and it allows us to save our rations that will not go bad for later
[Zac, as Bolka] I just worry, though: what if we are in situation where like we need to hide from someone?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I see what you are implying, but that is why I have boiled them for full amount of my watch.
[Amanda and Zac laugh]
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Well-cooked, broken down all of those troublesome, you know. Should be fine.
[Zac and David laugh]
[David] I can't-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Don't overdo it, though!
[David, Amanda, and Zac laugh]
[James, as Hatch] Yeah, you gotta trust a witch when it comes to, um, cooking magical food
[Amanda, as Marge] And where, ya know, where we're wearing multiple layers of stuff, too, so I suppose, ya know, it probably would get, uh, muted.
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh! Like a trumpet.
[James, as Hatch] I'm not. I'm naked.
[James, as Vrixx] Yeah. I am- I am, too.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh yeah, but, ya know, how loud could one of yours be? You're so small.
[Zac, as Bolka] But, Hatch, you are wearing so much fur, it is not like- You are almost the most dressed of all of us. You are very bundled.
[James, as Hatch] That's true.
[Zac, as Bolka] I cannot see your butt at all!
[David, as Valdeen] I could be wrong, but should we plan what we're gonna do for the day and where we're headed? What's our next steps?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I think we're just, ya know, walking along some more
[David, as Valdeen] Oh, we-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes. We could look at Kapa's map again if we wanted
[James, as Kapa] Of course! Uh, here. [describes] and she pulls it out and rolls it out. Um, and for day two of travel, you guys are going to continue skirting the edge of the Hoarwood Forest. You guys are going to be moving through sparse wood cover, so trees here and there, maybe some shrubberies.
[Zac, as Bolka] Here is the issue, is: The steps we would need to take to hide ourselves properly would be extreme. Like, I feel like we are almost just saying, like, 'okay, we are coming!' I mean, they- they probably already know because of the birds that we are coming. I-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] True
[Zac, as Bolka] I do not know if hiding will be to our advantage, or at least maybe not until we get a little closer.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes. Maybe we get- try for the speed first
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] and then worry about the incognito later.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, Kapa! You grabbed one of those tarps, right? The one we can cover ourselves with, if-
[James, as Kapa] Yes, of course. We have several.
[Amanda, as Marge] -we need to hide in the snow
[James, as Kapa] If we- If we have enough warning, we can cover ourselves.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I think as we get further away from the forest the flying swarms of evil birds shall be easier to notice
[Zac, as Bolka] As long as we stay vigilant--we are all looking, we are all always watching
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Ravens are pretty intelligent birds, I think.
[James, as Kapa] I mean, we killed probably 2,000 of them, so, I think we will be okay for now. We could take all of their corpses and make little effigies to spook away the other ones.
[David, as Valdeen] Uh...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I am a little bit glad you did not suggest this back when we had all the corpses at hand because weird. Also very time consuming.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I think that would- Yeah. I think that would take us like all a day, right there!
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] And also, is that that weirdness we saw back in the Border Wood? Was someone trying to scare someone else away?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Is it normal to hang birds up in trees? Is that normal? Does that mean anything?
[Zac, as Bolka] I mean nothing the fey do is normal. Uh...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Fair
[Zac, as Bolka] It depends. I guess it's all based on perspective, but, uh, but it is, it's not uncommon. Is- Is like a- Is like a craft, is like a trade that some of them do. Maybe to- to kill time or to, you know, possibly for sale?
[James, as Vrixx] There's actually a really big underground art scene for it, uh, back in like Chillblight.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh
[Zac, as Bolka] You are from Chillblight?
[James, as Vrixx] I visited once, yeah. Went to go see another cousin over there and they're into some weird shit over there.
[Zac, as Bolka] Who was your cousin?
[James, as Vrixx] My cousin was, um, let me think about that... My name is Vrixx... Uhhh.... Twixx.
[James, as Vrixx] Not associated with the popular candy.
[Zac, as Bolka] Was he left? Oh, he wasn't left or right.
[James, as Vrixx] No, he wasn't left or right. No
[Zac, as Bolka] He was more of a centrist.
[James, as Vrixx] Well, I mean, so there were- they were twins, actually. So, there was- We called them left Twixx and right Twixx.
[Zac, as Bolka] Okay
[James, as Vrixx] Um. Yeah, I- I really, I prefer the right Twixx. Some people say that like they're indistinguishable, just because they are like exactly the same. Like, right? Because they were like--they look the same, uh, they act the same, they taste the same. But, right- right Twixx-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I'm sorry: You have tasted your cousins?!
[James, as Vrixx] I mean... No?
[Elizabeth, in Vasilisa's voice] Sense motive?
[Elizabeth and Amanda laugh]
[James] I was doing it for the bit!
[Zac] I would love it if I knew them. I don't. Do- Do I know them or is it something I could roll for?
[James] Yeah, roll for it.
[Zac] Four. Alright
[James] Yeah. Yeah, you don't.
[Zac] I wanted to know them.
[James] I know. I'm sorry.
[James, as Vrixx] Uh, so you guys, like, want some breakfast? Coffee? Here.
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, Vasilisa made beans.
[James, as Vrixx] Oh, good.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, and, like, coffee would be good, too, ya know.
[James, as Vrixx] Yeah! I can- I can make coffee
[Amanda, as Marge] I'm always up for a good hot cup of coffee
[David, as Valdeen] Yeah, coffee does sound pretty good.
[Zac, as Bolka] Would Kapa like a cuppa?
[James, as Kapa] Uh, yeah. I would love a cuppa.
[James] Vrixx goes and makes some c-c-coffee!
[Amanda] and Marge, while she's waiting for breakfast and everything, will start loading Ghost back up and putting away her tent and- yeah! Just getting ready.
[Elizabeth] Yeah, Vasilisa will get Marigold ready.
[Zac, singing] Clean up, clean up! [Amanda and Elizabeth join in, singing] Everybody, everywhere!
[David and Zac laugh]
[Elizabeth, singing] Everybody do your share. [stops singing, says] Anyway...
[James] Every morning now, for the rest of this journey, that's what's gonna happen
[Amanda, Elizabeth, and David laugh]
[Zac, singing] Clean up, clean up!
[Elizabeth] Oh, no!
[James] and so we transition back into the caravan mode.
[Amanda] I think this time Marge will actually keep her hood up, so she is a white furry creature riding on a white furry creature in the white snow.
[James] That's fuckin' terrifying
[David] That's really cool
[Elizabeth] That's really great
[James] I don't know what's scarier: Like, an actual like large-sized yeti, or a small yeti riding-
[Elizabeth] a giant weasel
[James] -a giant weasel.
[Amanda laughs, adds] With a spear.
[Elizabeth] That's fabulous
[Zac] Yeah, I was going to say, are you holding the spear with a human skull on it as well?
[Amanda] I should.
[Elizabeth] You should.
[James] I would rather- I would rather fight the large yeti.
[James] So, day two. You guys are starting to work your way into somewhat of a routine-
[James] -I think, with travel. Uh, is there anything you guys did yesterday, like, as your characters during your travel time, that you're like 'yeah, let's not do that this time.' Like, you know how-
[Zac] Like fight the swarm
[James] Yeah, like fight the swarm. But you know how, like, you show up on the first day of class, right, and it's not assigned seating, and so you just like pick a spot and you're like 'yeah, this will be fine' and then after the first class you're like 'I've made a terrible mistake'?
[Zac] This desk sucks
[James] 'I do not want to sit next to this person.'
[Elizabeth] Uh, Vasilisa is actually very happy being in the middle. I think Vasilisa's biggest question to herself is: 'Do I put on one of them fancy outfits that I stole from Nazhena's wardrobe and, like, take the bother to do my hair, so that I can drop my traveling merchant disguise to look like a fancy White Witch if we run into someone who isn't a White Witch, who I might need to intimidate?' This is what Vasilisa's internal debate is [Amanda laughs, Elizabeth continues] and I think after her morning ablutions, she will indeed put fancy dress on, but then use her magic sleeves to make it look like the like 'I'm just a merchant, traveling to sell my wares in Whitethrone'
[Amanda] and then take the sleeves off and, voila! I'm a White Witch! Haha!
[Elizabeth] Exactly! You just deactivate the sleeves and you're like [in Vasilisa's voice] 'oh, you fool! You thought that I was just a merchant, but actually, you have crossed the wrong Jadwiga! A-ha-ha!' [in own voice] You know, like that .
[James] Vasilisa is going to dress up in very uncomfortable clothing for travel-
[Elizabeth] Hey, hey-
[James] -and then make it look like comfortable clothing.
[Elizabeth] No one said really fancy cool witch outfits are uncomfortable 'til just now, I will have it be known.
[James, laughing] That's fair.
[Elizabeth] I'm wearing my sensible shoes underneath.
[James] Okay. Okay, that's- that's really what matters.
[Zac] But if you- If- If Vasilisa is planning on any kind of like subterfuge or trying to trick anyone, like, she's- may have to work out a code word or some kind of communication with Bolka because he's going to be like standing at the front with a halo on, like, this golden dwarf leading the party, which if we're gonna go with the the winter witch route, then like-
[Zac] -there needs to be some sort of alibi for that or some reason why-
[Elizabeth] Well, here's the thing: everyone of any notable power in Irrisen probably is either working for the Jadwiga or a direct threat to the Jadwiga.
[Zac] So, you'll just be like 'oh, this is- he's a powerful-'
[Elizabeth] I could go either way
[Zac] '-diplomat friend from this other region...'
[Elizabeth] Or you could be another person in disguise. If we're trying deliberately. Okay, ideally we don't run into anyone
[Elizabeth] We're just traveling.
[Zac] That's what I was thinking. That's what Bolka's thinking
[Elizabeth] If we run into a random person, we want them to think we're just merchants. If we run into someone who might be a Herald of Summer's Return person, who might help us out, then we might want to be able to convince them that we're not just travelers. Kapa knows whatever--do they have hand signals? We never asked. We should ask. But, like, we might be able to get some help. But, if they start to be all like not helpful or suspicious or something, we can be like, 'no, we only pretended like we're Heralds of Summer's Return because actually we're trying to trick people into admitting they are so that we can punish them because look bam I'm a Jadwiga! Whoa!' reveal!
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, so many- many layers!
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes! As many layers as I am wearing in order to not freeze.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, with me wearing this, uh, cloak, I've got another pair of, uh, those, uh, fancy sleeves. If someone else is wantin' to dress themselves up as something else.
[James] Hatch raises his hand
[Zac, as Bolka] I look good.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh! Here you go, Hatch.
[James, as Hatch] I've never worn clothes before. [describes] and you see the little sleeves disappear inside of him, and he sticks out his hands and puts them on. And then he's wearing a little Hatch version of Vasilisa's dress.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, that's so cute!
[James, as Hatch] Ta-da!
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] That's beautiful. But also, uh, you should maybe go with the more incognito travel version.
[James, as Hatch] Ahhhh
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes. This is, uh, conspicuous.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] For now
[James, as Hatch] That's it. I just wanted to do that.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] You just wanted to try it
[James, as Hatch] Yeah, I just wanted to be cute. That's all.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, you're always cute, Hatch!
[James, as Hatch, chuckles appreciatively]
[Zac, as Bolka] You are just creating fodder for the fan art. You use want fan art.
[James, as Hatch] Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, okay
[Zac, as Bolka] Okay. Good
[James, as Hatch] Yeah
[David, as Valdeen] Checks out
[James] And he takes off the sleeves
[Zac] For anyone listening who's a fan of the show, um, I know there's not many of you out there-
[Elizabeth and Amanda laugh]
[David] Tell your friends
[Zac] Bolka has sort of reached a milestone.
[David and Amanda] Ooo
[Zac] He's crossed a threshold.
[James] Is he finally tired of all this shit?
[Zac] He's crossed the- He's crossed the threshold! No, this is interesting, I think. As of- As of this episode, this- he has been on the show as long as Norm. This would be his-
[James] Holy shit!
[David] Oh, wow
[Zac] This is his 18th episode. So, Norm didn't actually have any lines in 18, really, so he's like-
[Zac] He's- He's- I've been Bolka as long as I was Norm for. 18 episodes each.
[Elizabeth] It's about time for Bolka to die, is what I-
[Elizabeth] I'm kidding!
[Elizabeth] No, I'm sorry! I'm kidding! I won't jinx it!
[Zac, as Bolka] No, I have so much healing!
[James] Check my notes...
[Elizabeth] Oh, god, I'm sorry!
[Zac] So much healing!
[Elizabeth] I take it back!
[Zac] I will never die
[Zac] Intentionally built to survive
[David] What was party order, again? Where are you standing?
[Zac] In front!
[Amanda] In front with Marge [laughs]
[James] In front. Gotcha.
[David] And I'm right behind ya guys
[Zac] Good AC
[James] Bolka gets hit by a cannon!
[Zac] Good AC, lots of healing. I'm not scared. Let's do this
[James] Alright, perfect. Uh, the cannon had sneak attack! Ooooo!
[Zac, as Bolka] I have- I am uncanny at dodging! Very uncanny.
[James] So, as you guys-
[Amanda] As we walk
[James] Yeah. As you walk, as you move along, you guys are still kind of skirting this tree line, um, maybe just because everyone is a bit skittish about it, you're trying to be a little bit further away. Um, but the terrain on either side is kind of like gross. But, yeah, you guys are are marching along. Let me get some perception checks.
[Zac] Aw, I was afraid-
[David] Perception, yes!
[Zac] -you were gonna say perception.
[Amanda] Marge and Ghost are in sync: 25 and a 26, respectively.
[Zac] Bolka only 15
[James] Only a 15.
[Elizabeth] Vasilisa got a 14
[David] Valdeen got a 29
[James] Hot damn. Okay. Yeah, you guys are moving along. Valdeen, Marge, and Ghost, uh, along the way, you guys, uh, look off to the side, over on your left towards the forest, um, and you guys see a little winter fox
[James] and she has her kits with her
[James] three little kits
[David] Aw. What does the fox say, James?
[James] Wa-ba-ba-ba-pa-dow! Wa-ba-ba-pa-pa-pa-dow!
[David] Thank you.
[Amanda, singing] What the fox say
[David] I really appreciate it.
[James, laughing] I took a pause just so everyone would have a second
[Zac] Like, do I really-?
[Amanda] to prepare
[James] Because it was gonna happen. Yeah.
[Zac] I thought you were pausing because you were asking yourself, 'Am I really this guy?' [Amanda laughs; Zac continues] 'Do I really just dance like a monkey any time-?'
[James] No! I was- I was giving-
[Zac] '-every time anyone asks me to. Am I this starved for attention?'
[James] I was giving you all the opportunity to brace yourselves
[Zac and David laugh]
[David] Winter is coming
[James] Winter is coming
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, uh, Bolka?
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, take a look over in the forest! There's a fox and some babies
[Zac, as Bolka] Why are we whispering? Oh, a fox! Oh!
[Amanda, as Marge] I don't want to scare her away.
[Zac, as Bolka] Is adorable. Do you think is- is good meat?
[David, as Valdeen] Yeah, are- Foxes are good eatin', aren't they?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, dear
[Zac, as Bolka] Should be
[David, as Valdeen] A little string- A little stringy, but-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] All I know is they have real attitudes. 'Oh-'
[Amanda, as Marge] It's a mama, though, with her babies there. We can just leave them-
[James] And then you see-
[Amanda] Oh. Uh-oh
[James] -the fox-
[James] -take off
[James] super quick
[James] Like, pounces out of the snow and is running towards you guys
[Zac] Oh, towards us?
[Amanda] Towards us?
[James] and then you see it leap a little bit. It's pretty far away from you guys, still, but it leaps and then it tumbles in the snow, and it comes up and it's holding a hare.
[Amanda] Ah, yay! It got food for the babies!
[James] And it's all bloody and it rips it apart and all the kids run up and they all start eating it, and now their white faces are marred with blood and guts.
[Zac, as Bolka] There's so much meat!
[David] I didn't expect that.
[James] Thank you
[David] You got me.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I feel as though I might puke a little bit.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, you know, it's the circle of life and everything
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh- Oh, yes
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No, it's just that the only familiar that was ever nice to me is a hare, and the last familiar to which moya mama tried to subject me was a white fox. So...
[Zac, as Bolka] You're seeing symbolism.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I don't like the optics, is what I am saying.
[Zac, as Bolka] Is like- Is like you are being eat- torn apart by your mother. Is almost this- the metaphor- is, you're trying to get at
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] That's- That's what it feels like, yes. Like the life I built for myself in Taldor is being ripped to shreds by my return to Irrisen.
[Zac, as Bolka] Well, I mean, they-
[James, as Kapa] That's- That's pretty deep.
[Zac, as Bolka] Does anyone have a ranged weapon? I mean, this is a lot of meat eating other meat. We could make--These all go together. I know these go together.
[David, as Valdeen] Well-
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I think we've got enough food for right now that we can leave the mama and her babies.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I think--No, yeah, killing babies just sounds a little bit not great. You're not wrong. Fine. It's okay.
[Zac, as Bolka] Okay.
[James] So you guys watch a fox and her kits devour a rabbit
[Amanda] Good for them
[James] off on the side, and you guys keep pushing forward, deciding not to murder the mother and her babies.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] This is, indeed, a little bit of a con- a good question Bolka had, though. Other than the very loud, very precious firearm Valdeen has-
[Zac, as Bolka] Are there other-?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] -does anyone else have any range-?
[Zac, as Bolka] -ranged weapons?
[James, as Kapa] Uh, I have a-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] -of some kind?
[James, as Kapa] I have a bow.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay. Yes. Good.
[James, as Gary] Uh, and I- I have a crossbow.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Are- Oh, good because it'll be easier for you to use a crossbow than a bow, with your hand, right?
[James, as Gary] Yes. I can- I-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I've never used either, so I assume
[James, as Gary] You point then you pull trigger. It is much harder to reload
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Can you pull trigger okay with your-?
[James, as Gary] Much harder to reload.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Gary
[James, as Gary] Yes, what is it?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Vrixx is too small to necessarily be super helpful for this, but Hatch--what if you shoot, you let Hatch reload your crossbow for you-?
[James, as Hatch] Yeah, yeah. I can do that. I can be helpful.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Hatch can be your cool reload buddy.
[James, as Gary] That sounds, uh, sounds good. Are you okay with this, Hatch?
[James, as Hatch] Yeah, yeah. Sounds fun.
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes
[David, as Valdeen] Yes, it's a pretty good idea.
[Zac, as Bolka] We will leave the fox to its, uh, supper.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Even if it does not deserve it.
[David, as Valdeen] It's a circle of life, Vasilisa. It's just how these things are.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Is there nothing that, if you see sometimes, no matter the context, you just go--oh!--to very dark place in your memory?
[David, as Valdeen] Mm--I try not to do that.
[Zac, as Bolka] Plus, the symbolism seems so like writ large, like, almost like it was intentional...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes! Almost on purpose, it feels
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Like the the world is sending a message right to me.
[Zac, as Bolka] Is hard to ignore. I- I see why it would draw your attention.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Is like, oh-
[James] Hi! This is your neighborhood friendly GM here! [Zac laughs; James continues] Just wanted to let everybody know I did not do that symbolism on purpose [Elizabeth laughs; James continues] I was just throwing a loop for you guys being like 'oh no! a fox is attacking us! what do we do?!' and then it's like 'oh, no, never mind, it's just getting dinner!' because you guys were like 'oh, look how cute the fox is' and I was like 'what can I do to ruin this?' [Amanda laughs; James continues] 'I know, I'll cover it in gore!'
[Zac] But we still wanted to eat it, though. [James laughs; Zac continues] Oh, and when it was jumping at us-- When I thought it was jumping at us, I'm like, sweet, easier to like catch!
[David] I thought it was going to turn into something else and transform
[James] That's what I was going for
[James] Build up the suspense, yeah
[David] That worked
[Zac] I thought the fish was flowing into the boat
[James, singing] Behind the screen!
[Amanda] Have you seen the snow foxes?
[Elizabeth] They are pretty fucking cute
[James] Yeah, they're adorable
[Amanda] When they jump, it's head first into the snow and their butt's just sticking out
[James] Uh-huh, yep. Yep, yep
[Elizabeth] That's exactly what happened
[James] That's exactly what happened, and it came out bloody
[Elizabeth] Oh my god, I saw a picture of an arctic fox mid change between winter and summer fur coat
[James] Oh my god
[Elizabeth] Most ridiculous looking animal. So cute
[James] They look so fucking dumb
[Elizabeth] Oh my god
[James] So fucking dumb. It's great
[Elizabeth] It's adorable.
[Amanda] That's funny
[James] It is fantastic
[Zac] She's saying cute and adorable, and you're saying dumb.
[Elizabeth] No, both are true
[James] Both! Both are true
[Elizabeth] Both are very true
[David] It's dumb cute. You've heard of dumb cute, right?
[James] It's stupid- It's so stupid looking and adorable. It's like-
[James] Why the fuck do you exist?
[Elizabeth] Everyone should look this up. Frickin' adorable. So dumb.
[Amanda] I'm gonna have to look this up after
[James laughs and sighs; Amanda laughs]
[Zac] One encounter down.
[James] One encounter down.
[James] Seriously, though, like, what is- what does the rest of this day look like for you guys? You aren't encountering anything else. You saw that cool fox, you see like sparse wildlife here and there--maybe a bird; you guys aren't seeing crows or ravens or anything treacherous or ominous.
[Elizabeth] Are we mostly just on the move, or do we have any sort of like break where we actually stop and have a meal, or-?
[Zac, as Bolka] I feel like we can rotate like who is--someone can have a snack and maybe like ride on the sled while the rest of us keep going, and we can kind of like keep-
[David, as Valdeen] We want to keep our pace
[Zac, as Bolka] -keep moving, with-
[David, as Valdeen] Yeah
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, yeah
[Zac, as Bolka] -like, just everyone can take little breaks
[David, as Valdeen] Cool
[Zac, as Bolka] Help each other out, you know? Be supportive.
[Amanda] And Marge will get off of Ghost now and then and just to give Ghost a break
[Zac] How are the boys doing?
[Amanda] Yeah, the little ones
[James, in boys' voice] Uh, the boys-
[Zac] Orm and Mjoli, they're hanging in there?
[James, as Kapa] Yes, the boys are--they are doing okay. They are, uh, enjoying the, uh, sled rides.
[Elizabeth] Who's pulling the boys' sled? Is it- Is it the Marigold-pulled sled?
[Amanda] I think so
[Elizabeth] -with the boys on it?
[James] I believe so.
[Elizabeth] That makes sense, right?
[Elizabeth] because it's probably the heaviest sled because it's got a couple adorable little ratfolk kids on it.
[James] Yep. Yep, yep.
[Zac, as Bolka] It is possible that some days on this journey might be actually fun for the boys, might be a good adventure for them that is not traumatic. That would be nice.
[James, as Kapa] Yes, it is- it is something I am hopeful for. Hopefully, uh, when we get to Ellsprin, we will be able to set things up and- and have new home for them.
[Zac, as Bolka] You have been so helpful to- to have with us on this trip. I am so glad that you were not exploded by a puppy.
[James, as Kapa] What?
[Zac, as Bolka] Is- Is- you're good- Is good you are here with us.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] That was a very strange thing to say.
[James, as Kapa] That was an oddly specific thing to say.
[David, as Valdeen] Mhm
[James, as Kapa] Why would- Why would a puppy explode on me?
[Zac, as Kapa] I mean, creativity, I suppose?
[James, as Kapa] What?
[Zac, as Kapa] but I am just- You are very useful and helpful. You've been- You've been quite a- an aide to us.
[James, as Kapa] I understand this, but where is the dog blowing up coming from?
[Zac, as Bolka] I- Sometimes, my imagination gets- can run away with me.
[James, as Kapa] You often think about exploding puppies?
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, not often. Not often, but occasionally? Sure.
[James, as Kapa] Occasionally is often enough, Bolka
[James, as Kapa] Bolka, I am here if you need to talk
[David, as Valdeen] Bolka, are you feeling okay?
[Zac, as Bolka] See, I appreciate that you are so helpful to us. So supportive. Thank you, Kapa.
[James, as Kapa] Of course.
[James] So, it's a quiet day.
[Amanda] It is, yeah
[David] It's a quiet day
[James] You guys see the- the extreme excitement of the- the mother on the hunt
[James] and the rest of the day is just kind of nice. You guys get gentle snowfall every once in a while, but for the most part, it's just kind of serene. It's that eerie kind of quiet where you can sometimes hear wind, but most of the time everything just feels kind of still. The snow is absorbing a lot of the sound in the snowpacks. Um, but the day goes by, and you guys find a nice little place to camp. Anybody want to give me some features of what makes this a nice place to camp? I will start: it has a really nice fallen log.
[David] There's a little like increase of like some rocks piled up, sort of like just natural formations in the- in the earth
[David] and it kind of makes a little like wind shelter
[David] next to the- next to where the fallen log is
[James] I like that
[David] So we can kind of like set up next to it
[James] I like that a lot
[Amanda] Nice. And I imagine there's at least a couple of trees not too far from each other where maybe we can put up a tarp to at least cover part of our camp
[James] I like it. I like it.
[Zac] Lumpy rocks everywhere
[James] Everywhere. Okay. Great
[Zac and Elizabeth laugh]
[James] Everything about this site is perfect except for the lumpy rocks, and we'll fucking deal with it, okay?
[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]
[Zac, as Bolka] We all will sleep on Ghost
[James] How do you guys want to set up watches for tonight? Do you want to do the same rotation we did last time, or are we shaking it up a little bit?
[Amanda] Who is Marge with?
[Elizabeth] Do we want to-
[Amanda] Okay. Yeah.
[Zac] Yeah. I mean, that's-
[Amanda] That works.
[Zac] Marge doesn't want to switch, I'm sure.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Did anyone have a difficult watch, or have a request?
[Zac, as Bolka] No--Vrixx and I actually got along very well on our- on our watch.
[James, as Vrixx] Yeah. It was- It was nice. I enjoyed your company and what you had to say, and I respect you and your outlook on life.
[Zac, as Bolka] He's trying so hard, you see.
[David, as Valdeen] Hmm
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] What did you do to Vrixx?
[Zac, as Bolka] No, we just talked. Honestly.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Are you okay, Vrixx?
[James, as Vrixx] Yes, I am. Thank you so much for asking. How are you?
[Zac, as Bolka] See! He is fine. [chuckles]
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] You sure you did not like, uh, charm him?
[Zac, as Bolka] No! No, no magics. No magics.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay. Vrixx-
[James, as Vrixx] Charmed, I'm sure
[Amanda and David laugh]
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] O-kay
[Zac, as Bolka] He- He seemed to have honest desire to improve, it seemed.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] But why?
[Zac, as Bolka] That was not even my idea. I was ready to honestly dismiss him and move on.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Well, uh, that's very nice, Vrixx. You- uh- Okay. That smile is starting to be a little unsettling, not going to lie.
[James, as Vrixx] Sorry. I'm still trying to get used to that.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Practicing?
[James, as Vrixx] Yeah
[Zac, as Bolka] Is new. Is very new.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] That's fair. Okay.
[James, as Vrixx] More- More teeth?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No. Imagine like you just pulled off a very good joke. Smile like that. See, that looks more normal on a sprite face.
[David, as Valdeen] I think that- that made it worse
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] A little bit evil, but like you should be worried, but also, oh, the humor!
[Zac, as Bolka] You must be careful; the- the showing the teeth sometimes is sign of aggression, as well. Is tricky to balance.
[James, as Vrixx] Ahhh
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Especially because yours are a little pointy
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] It looks like you want to bite someone, maybe.
[Zac, as Bolka] So, smile-
[James, as Vrixx] I do have a bite attack! I don't, but that would be funny, if I did.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] That would be- I think your mouth is too small
[James, as Vrixx] Anyway--
[James] So, you guys have your camp set up in this kind of almost pseudo hovel, a little indent surrounded by some nice natural features; you got a log, um, you guys have the sled full of food supplies that is being pulled by Marigold normally and also has whoever wants to ride on it riding on it, um, and I think that's the only sled you guys have, right?
[James] Ghost isn't pulling anything; it's just the one.
[Amanda] No, but Ghost is packed up pretty- pretty well
[James] Um, and you guys have your- your little tents and bed rolls set up. You guys have a fire in the center, tents around it
[Amanda] We've got a tarp in between two trees kind of blocking the view of us, of our camp, at least from one side.
[James] Probably have the-
[Elizabeth] Probably the non-forest side?
[James] Probably have the sled under the tarp
[James] and everyone has their own tents?
[Elizabeth] Vasilisa has a tent that's big enough to share with one other person; it's a two-person tent.
[Amanda] So, what's Valdeen or Bolka doing? [laughs]
[Elizabeth] I guess the question is: who's sleeping with Vasilisa while she sleeps and other people are awake? You'd probably just take turns
[Zac] Yeah, since we're doing shifts anyway, there's gonna- there's always gonna be one empty-
[Amanda] True. Somebody probably could squish themselves into Marge's tent [laughs] if they need to
[David and Elizabeth laugh]
[Elizabeth] So, let's- What- We might actually logistic this. We need tent space for Bolka and for Gary. There's at least a couple hours during the night where they're both asleep.
[Zac, as Bolka] I mean, as long as I am big spoon, is okay.
[Elizabeth and Amanda laugh]
[James, as Gary] Yeah, that sounds nice to me. I like being spooned.
[Elizabeth] I'm just realizing we planned watches very poorly, when we think about the tents situation.
[Elizabeth] Valdeen and Gary should be taking turns sleeping so that they can take turns in the second human-sized spot- No, Valdeen has his own tent
[James] What if- What if, before you guys left-
[Zac] James, can we- can we be ambushed before we go to sleep?
[James] -you also brought two extra tents?
[David] Yeah. That makes sense.
[Elizabeth] One more two-person sized tent-
[Elizabeth] -was in the Heralds of Summer's Return hovel
[Amanda] There we go
[James] Solved it! Boom!
[David] Thank you
[Elizabeth] Bolka and Gary have their own tent
[James] Definitely not something we retroactively decided-
[Elizabeth] Vasilisa sleeps with Hatch
[James] I just- we didn't mention it on air-
[Elizabeth] You didn't list everything that was in the hovel
[Zac] -deus ex machina.
[Elizabeth] You made up sleds one day. There could be anything.
[Amanda, laughs] Sounds good
[Elizabeth] Tarps, tents...
[Amanda] We got it
[Zac] Bolka goes-
[Amanda] Do we need to roll perceptions for our watches?
[James] Yeah, let's get some perceptions going
[Elizabeth] I'm sorry
[Zac] At dinner-
[James] Valdeen and Gary get to go first
[Zac] Like, at dinner, Bolka goes over to the tree and unrolls this big canvas and hangs it up on the tree and it's actually painted like a brick wall and he's holding his mace like a microphone, and he's like [as Bolka] Have you noticed there is deal with airline food?
[Amanda] Ah, geez
[Zac, as Bolka] I've seen very bad airline food. I do not know why
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, what's an airline?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I sat down for dinner, not for dinner and a show. What is this?
[Zac, as Bolka] I must practice my craft or I will get dull--dull and rusty!
[Amanda] We got, uh, Valdeen and Gary rolling first, yeah?
[David] Valdeen rolled a 12.
[James] M-kay. Gary rolled an eight. Um.
[David] Not good
[James] Your guys's watch goes by pretty smoothly. Next up, we have Marge and Kapa
[Amanda] And Marge got a 19.
[James] Kapa got a 20.
[Amanda, gasps] Oh! Nat 20!
[Zac] natural 20?
[James] Kapa got a 25.
[Elizabeth, whispering] Kapa sees everything
[James] So, you guys are on watch. What does your watch look like?
[Amanda] I think that, both of them being ratfolk women who have recently lost their husbands, they'd probably have some things to talk about.
[James, as Kapa] So, what do you think about all of this weather we've been having lately? Is pretty regular here, but is probably very odd for you.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, yeah, I'm not used to all this cold, comin' from down south, ya know. We only get some kind of cold for like a couple months, and not really much snow. So, this is-- I'm glad I've got fur naturally. Uh, certainly helps. [describes] And, so, either this is probably small talk-- I'm sure that Marge isn't 100 percent comfortable talking about loss
[Amanda] She is still a little bit like uh angry bubbly inside
[Amanda] and so
[James] Not ready, yet
[Zac] But I feel like it's easier to be angry at the other party members who haven't also just lost their husband
[Zac] and I think Kapa has probably got like at least a little bit of a padding on her
[Zac] You're not gonna be as mad
[Amanda] Marge is definitely uh more comfortable around Kapa
[James] That makes sense.
[Amanda] -than everybody else at the moment, for sure. You know, maybe Marge will hush Kapa while she-- [as Marge] Oh, d'ya hear that? Oh no. Oh, I think we're okay. [describes] and then maybe Kapa would "Oh, shh, do you hear that?" You know, just kind of-
[Zac] Gently place your finger on your lips
[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]
[Zac] Shhhh... I like this.
[Amanda] What are you-?
[James] Oh, man
[Zac] I like where this is goin'
[James] Okay, so, let's- let's pause there for a second
[Elizabeth] I'm sorry; I'm just wrapping my head around the probably very solid fact that the first erotic fanfic that will show up on the internet about The Dimension Door Podcast is going to involve Marge
[Amanda, laughing] is gonna be Marge
[Elizabeth] 100 percent
[James] Oh, easily
[Zac] Oh, for sure
[Elizabeth] Would we have thought, when we started, that that would be the case?
[Elizabeth] and yet, it is.
[Amanda] It's just my sexy voice
[James] Yeah I didn't think Marge would be the most sexualized character
[Elizabeth] And yet
[James] I definitely didn't. I thought it was going to be me
[Elizabeth and Amanda laugh]
[Amanda] The GM
[Zac] A fanfic about James
[James] Yeah- who doesn't wanna-
[Amanda] With your picture of the dice and-
[James] -fuck god?
[James] I mean, come on
[Amanda] True. True
[James] Nuns know what's up
[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]
[James] So, going back to that little vignette we had, uh, you're like "Oh, shh, did you hear that?" and you do. You hear-
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I hear somethin'
[James] -a stick crack.
[Amanda] Can I like really try to perceive again in the direction I hear the stick crack? hear of see something else?
[Elizabeth] Do you wanna move to look closer or just kind of look that way, or?
[James] Yeah, what- what- How do you want to approach it? Are you just like stopping and listening harder?
[Zac, chuckling] Squint your ears
[Amanda] Well, yeah, where ya- squint your ears. [laughs] I don't know that she'd move closer because animals and everybody else is asleep. Don't want to wake everybody up if it's just another fox coming through, you know, but definitely want to stop and turn in the direction the sound came from, and really focus and see if there's something- anything else we can see or hear.
[Amanda] while we're- instead of like just scanning everything, we're now focused on a specific direction. [quietly, to herself] Roll big
[Amanda, with a sigh] 12.
[James] Kapa got a 22.
[Amanda] Go Kapa!
[Elizabeth] Kapa's on top of this shit
[Zac] Best NPC, oh my god
[David] Good job, Kapa.
[James] Kapa hears something else in that direction, and goes [as Kapa] Marge, there is something over there. I hear it. Someone should go over there and look. Do you want it to be me or you?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, ya know what, I look like--ya know, when I put my hood up
[James, as Kapa] Oh, is a good idea
[Amanda, as Marge] I look like another creature
[James, as Kapa, whispering] Yes, yes, yes, yes
[Amanda, as Marge] and they may not know it's actually a ratfolk, so
[James, as Kapa] Oh, that's a good idea.
[Amanda, as Marge] I will do that.
[James, as Kapa] Perfect, yes
[Amanda, as Marge] I will put up my hood and like sneaky over that direction, see if I see anything.
[James, as Kapa] Cool, cool. That sounds good.
[James] Bolka, what is your perception?
[Zac] My perception- my passive?
[James] Yes. What's your bonus? Yeah
[James] Let me get a perception roll from you
[Zac] Natural one.
[David groans; Amanda laughs]
[James] So, that's... 33? Right?
[James] oh, damn. I was way off
[Zac] Way off
[James] Six! Cool!
[Zac] I'm also asleep, so it's a negative like 15 on top of that or 20 on top of that
[James] negative 10.
[Elizabeth] It's okay; Gary's sleeping in your tent, so maybe Gary heard something.
[James, snaps, says] Yes! Gary is sleeping in your tent because he's your little spoon.
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, Gary, you-
[James] Everyone likes to be the little spoon
[Zac, as Bolka] worst NPC ever
[Elizabeth] I have to trade which spoon I am
[James] Gary got a natural one!
[Zac] Nice! [as Bolka] Oh, we are-
[James] You guys are in sync
[Elizabeth] Bolka and Gary are spooning so hard
[Zac, as Bolka] We are onesie buddies
[Amanda] You are so comfy sleeping right now
[James] You guys are-
[Zac, as Bolka] Is warm in here
[Amanda] Marge will try to be stealthy in the snow. She's already feeling a little stealthy because she's all white and she looks like a yeti, a mini yeti
[Zac] A stealthy mini. Mini yeti stealthy
[Amanda] Mini yeti stealthy.
[Zac] Stealthy mini yeti
[Amanda] She will make sure she has her sword on her as well.
[Zac] A yeti with a sword? Well, now you're blowing the whole illusion
[Amanda] Well, she's not going to have it in her hand
[Amanda] So, my stealth, I got a nat one.
[Zac, laughing] That's three in a row. We are killing it.
[David] She'll just growl really loud.
[Amanda] So, that's a seven. [laughs]
[Zac] Her stomach-
[Elizabeth] It's her habit when she puts the hood up she's like rarr
[David] Rarr, yeah
[Elizabeth] Like, she can't help it
[Amanda] and then perception
[Amanda] oh my god! Another nat one.
[Zac continues to laugh]
[David] Four in a row?
[Zac] Between Marge, me, and James-
[James] Marge, what languages do you know?
[Amanda] Common and Skald.
[James] End of list, huh?
[David] End of list
[Zac] If it was me...
[Elizabeth] but it isn't
[Zac] Yes. James.
[James] I need a Will save from you
[Zac] What the frick, dude. What did I ever do to you?
[Amanda] it's a good thing you got good Will
[David] He- You said this was your last episode, right Zac?
[David] For Bolka?
[Zac] I did not say that! at all!
[Elizabeth, laughing] I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.
[Zac] Wow. 31.
[David] that's amazing
[Zac] but if it's evil or fey or illusion or poison or disease--there's a whole bunch of pluses and minuses--
[Elizabeth] What the hell sort of Will do you have?
[James] Okay. Great. Um, so, it's definitely higher than a 16?
[James] Right? Numbers good?
[James] So, good news
[Zac, as Bolka] What is the good news? I love good news
[James] Uh, you passed. You're fine.
[Amanda] You're sleeping
[Zac, as Bolka] but I don't wake up to- to help?
[James] nope. Uh, but you're having a dream and in the dream a problem starts to happen and then something happens to make the problem go away. If you have anything narratively like that that you'd like to talk about
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes. In his dream, there is uh there is avalanche of apples
[Zac, as Bolka] there's avalanche of apples coming downhill at him
[James] Okay. An apple-anche
[Zac, as Bolka] An apple-anche, and he is going to be buried underneath the the apple-lanche-ian
[David] Apple-anchian mountains?
[Elizabeth] It's an Apple-achian apple-lanche
[Zac, as Bolka] but but before it is before it comes too close and is about to like swallow him whole uh these swarms of black birds come in and they eat all the apples--so many birds--come in and eat all the apples before they can tumble down and actually crush me.
[James] Cool. So, let's cut back to Marge.
[James] Marge. Hanging out. um
[Amanda] Just walking towards where I heard the sound thinking I'm being sneaky [laughs]
[James] Thinking you're being sneaky. Are you already like you're like kind of crouched down getting ready to become a yeti
[Zac] she thinks she's roaring in her head but really a little bit of it is out loud
[Amanda, as Marge] rawr
[Elizabeth] So, maybe you just are a more effectively convincing small yeti
[Elizabeth] even though you're not stealthy
[James] It's about probably 60 feet away. Um, you're walking out and everything and you're keeping an eye out, and you got darkvision so you're pretty at home here in the shticks. So you walk about 60 feet and then you see this figure kind of just standing there, and it's a tiny figure so it's pretty short, so like waist level. Um, but you see just like this little figure standing at the edge of it it looks like it's holding a staff it just looks like a shadowy cloaked figure
[Amanda] Marge will, just to try to pretend like she's still like a mini yeti, will kind of walk up to the tree nearest here and start like itching her back on it. [laughs]
[Elizabeth] she's in full yeti mode. This is great
[Amanda] uh just kind of keeping an eye, and then we'll turn and, as I'm doing that I do want to do try one more perception to see if I can see anything more clearly or see if there's anybody else besides that one figure because she's going to go back and let Kapa know, so she's kind of trying to pretend to still kind of be a yeti--she doesn't know how to how a yeti acts [laughs]
[Zac] I'm a bear, etcetera
[Elizabeth] She's like "yetis are just snow bears, right?"
[Elizabeth] that's- kinda furry...
[Amanda] Kinda seems that way. I'm just gonna rub against a tree and like scritch my back and then try and take one more look-
[Zac] swipe a picnic basket
[Amanda] That's better! uh 25.
[James] the figure's still there. It's on the outside of your vision. Maybe it starts adjusting a bit better. You can see that it has kind of oddly kind of furry almost uh pointed ears--like, big pointed ears going out to the side.
[Zac] Noo...That sounds-
[James] It's just standing there. And you got a 25, right?
[Zac] That sounds fey
[James] So you um you also start to hear like a little bit of murmuring coming from kind of all around you.
[Zac gasps and sighs]
[James] so you can see the creature ahead
[James] and you just [makes a sound like gurgling, unintelligible speech] and you hear that kind of like low gurgle mumbling--almost sounds kind of rhythmic--coming from your left and right as well
[Zac] Clever girl
[the gurgling speech sound repeats and overlaps]
[Amanda] Marge will turn and start to--She doesn't want to walk straight back to camp because that's just not a good idea, so she's going to-
[James] The creature that you can see
[James] You see its little staff move up
[Amanda, softly] Uh-oh
[James] and then it goes down quickly into the dirt and you hear a bunch of bells jingle
[sharp jingling bells sound]
[Elizabeth, softly] Oh no
[Elizabeth, whispering] Oh, shit
[James speaks in the unintelligible burble again as bells continue to rhythmically repeat]
[Amanda, as Marge] Rawr!
[James] You do that in an intimidation check
[Zac] Do you get- You get a plus for having the hood up, right?
[James] And you are bigger than it
[Amanda] and I am bigger than it
[James] So add your size modifier
[Amanda] and I have an intimidate now
[Elizabeth] Oh my god [laughs]
[Amanda] I did not have an intimidate before, but when Marge leveled up
[Zac] and you should get a plus four for the size difference
[Amanda] so 16 intimidate
[Zac] scare the guy with the jingle bells
[James] So, off to your right, you hear like the murmuring change a little bit
[James] and it goes [makes shorter burbly sound] and you see a kind of flash of light and the one with the staff picks up the cadence a bit more [burbling chanting and rhythmic bells resume, picking up speed] and then everything stops, and it raises its staff above its head and it starts charging you. [screams as the tiny creature]
[Amanda] Marge is going to pull out her sword [laughs]
[Elizabeth] Ho- Oh, no
[James] Perfect. Uh, Marge: roll initiative
[Elizabeth] oh no
[David makes inarticulate noises]
[Zac] no one else can hear this going on, huh?
[Elizabeth] not yet. we're sleepy-deepys
[David] we can't hear her roar?
[James] okay. I got a one. What do you wanna do?
[Elizabeth] Look, we know how bad we are at waking up from sleep [laughs]
[Amanda] Uh, she- she's going to stand her ground with her sword and
[James] Okay. It's 80 feet away. It's moved 10 feet forward
[Amanda] She- Yeah. She- she will again just roar as loud as she can in hopes that her party might hear something
[Amanda, as Marge] Raaawr!
[Elizabeth] Does Kapa respond to this?
[David] Yeah, what is Kapa doing?
[Amanda] Cuz Kapa's awake!
[James] Kapa's awake, yeah
[Amanda] and then she would have heard Marge do her little "rar" at the beginning when she first put her-
[James] Yeah, which is like, 'oh, yeah, she's just like-' [as Kapa] Oh, yes. She is scaring it away. We will be fine. [describes] This 'rar', though: this is different.
[Amanda] Yeah, it is
[James] This is a scared roar
[Amanda] yes it is
[James] and so Kapa will yell, uh, very loudly and use her turn to just kind of go around to all the tents and like smack 'em with the flat of her sword and try and get people up
[Amanda] Something's going on!
[James] Um, and that's gonna be pretty loud. Everyone give me a perception check minus ten
[Zac] Minus ten?!
[Zac] natural one.
[Elizabeth and Amanda laugh]
[Amanda] You are so comfy with Gary
[David] 17 for Valdeen
[Zac] I know! You cannot get me out of this man's arms for anything
[Amanda] a two for Ghost
[Elizabeth, speaking quietly with laughter choking her] negative four
[Zac] mine's like a negative 3 or something
[Amanda] What's Valdeen's?
[Amanda, gasps] You got a 27?
[David] Yeah. I got a 27
[Zac] Good god
[James] Cool. Everyone wakes up
[James] That was overly complicated in my head
[Zac breathes out heavily]
[James] yeah everybody wakes up.
[Zac, as Bolka] Thank Bolka!
[James] So, you guys just hear Kapa [as Kapa] Everybody up! Everybody up! Something's happening with Marge! [describes] uh So, this little creature runs forward a little bit more, and it finally gets within range of your darkvision, so you can see it
[James] It is a bat-like looking creature. This almost looks like a goblin-bat hybrid
[James] so it has the big bulky almost triangular head with two big ears coming off like bat ears. It has a little bat snoot, and it has a big wide mouth with a lot of little tiny sharp teeth. And you see that it's holding this like kind of ornate stick with a bunch of like jingly bells and like chains on it.
[James] and it's real small. He's a small guy. He's a tiny creature. But he's wearing like a flowing dark cloak and you can see his bony long fingers with sharp pointy nails, and he's just running towards you [makes the screaming burbling sound] and it's just charging towards you
[James] and then you see a portal open up right in front of it [magical sound effect] and it's gone
[Elizabeth] oh shit
[James] and you hear nothing
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, dear.
[James] Kapa comes running up next you [as Kapa] Marge, Marge--What is it? What's wrong? [describes] and you see she has her little short bow
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, there was uh some- some creature in the--I think there was more than one, but I only saw one. It was like a mix between a a bat and just a real ugly creature, but it didn't have wings and it had a really uh fancy stick and I couldn't understand what it was sayin' or anythin', but ya know it came runnin' up and then went through a portal like- like I went through to get here.
[James] Give me a perception check
[Zac] With my die?
[David] don't roll a one this time
[James] There is a hole cut in your tent
[Elizabeth gasps loudly, whispers] Sorry
[Zac, as Bolka] That- That is odd
[James] You see a big slash kind of right next to where you were laying.
[Zac, as Bolka] This is the tenth we got from the- the hideout. Maybe it was faulty? Malfunctioning?
[James] and you can see like a little bit of snow starting to blow in, and then I think this is also the first time we're to get a look at everyone in your pajamas!
[James] because you're definitely not taking the five minutes it needs to put on armor if there's an emergency happening
[Zac] No. And Bolka looks skinny. He looks very thin without his breastplate on.
[Amanda] Well, Marge would be dressed because she was on watch
[Amanda] and Ghost would have run up
[James] Yeah. Ghost runs up. [makes weasel sounds]
[Zac, as Bolka] What was-
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I don't know if there's anything here anymore. Uh, it was just a little thing, you know, like half a size of me.
[Zac, as Bolka] You said it was making noises?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I think it was tryin' to talk, but I- I-
[Zac, as Bolka] What did it- What like- What did it sound like? [describes] Can I do a linguistics check
[James] You can
[Zac] On her interpretation of what it sounds like?
[James] Yes, absolutely
[Amanda, as Marge, mimics the burbling language from the tiny creature]
[Amanda, as Marge] or somethin' like that. I don't know.
[Zac, as Bolka] It sounds-
[James] Give me a linguistic check
[Zac, as Bolka] it sounds-
[David] pretty good
[Elizabeth] Well, I mean- Can she do a linguistics check to try and replicate it before he does one to recognize it?
[James] Oooh, that's good. Yes.
[James] Do that
[Elizabeth] See how well she can
[Zac] That's rough
[Elizabeth] that makes sense
[Elizabeth] cause you got linguistics now
[Zac] That's pretty good. So, she has-
[Amanda] I do have linguistics.
[Zac] She does a pretty good job of conveying it
[Zac] um and mine is not bad. I'm a pretty linguistical dude. [die rolls] 23.
[James] So. This isn't a language you know.
[James] But with those high of rolls, it's conveyed and you've probably heard bits and pieces of this language because like-
[Zac] it sounds like
[James] it sounds like Undercommon
[Zac] Oh! Nice. Okay.
[Elizabeth] Vasilisa sleeps in her- her shift for comfort-ness, but she's got a little head scarf tied up to- to keep her braid from getting too messy while she sleeps
[Elizabeth] and also because it's fucking cold out here
[Elizabeth] and she's scrambled so that she's tried to shove her- her feet into her shoes to protect from the snow. Not snowshoes yet because that takes time. And she's got her outermost layer of her cold weather outfit-- like, she's shoving her arms into this big fur coat, and she just looks real frazzled and real upset that it's so fricking cold out here.
[Amanda] And Marge is- still has her hood up, so she still looks like a mini yeti
[David] So, then I'm just wearing my vest. There's no shirt. I'm just wearing a vest with no shirt.
[Zac] which is great
[Zac] Assless chaps
[James] Yeah. I love it.
[David] Yeah, that's- the fanfiction [unintelligible due to overlapping speech]
[James] And nothing else? You're- you're-
[Elizabeth] he doesn't feel the cold
[David] Yeah, no. Um, he's got the gun in one hand. he's ready to shoot
[James] holding his gun belt in the other, just like-
[David, as Valdeen] Wha- Whatt happened?
[James, as Kapa] It sounds like Marge saw something. Um, I- I'm going to- Which direction did you see it, Marge?
[Amanda] uh Marge'll, you know, point [as Marge] Oh, it came from over there, and then it started runnin' towards me, so I just stood here ready with my sword, and then it just created like a um a portal and went right through, and then it was all quiet
[James, as Kapa] Interesting
[Amanda, as Marge] But I thought I heard, ya know, voices all around me.
[David, as Valdeen] Well, can- can someone scout perimeter somewhere- a different side or in somewhere else?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, yeah. I can go look around. Sure, sure
[David, as Valdeen] I can't see in the dark, so.
[Amanda] So Marge will go-
[David, as Valdeen] Let me know what to shoot, though, and I'll shoot it.
[Amanda] -like stay a kind of as far away from the- the camp as she is--I don't know, what is that? maybe 60 feet?
[Elizabeth] 60 feet. So you have the camp in view
[Amanda] and then I'll walk around the camp, uh, staying about 60 feet away
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Uh, Marge. You and Kapa should go together for that while the rest of us stay here
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I've got Ghost!
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No- Okay. But, still, maybe two people who can talk-
[David, as Valdeen] That's a good idea. Just in case.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] In case one of you is silenced, you know
[Amanda, as Marge] Okay. Uh, come on, Kapa. Let's go
[James] Um, so Kapa moves forward and is looking. She goes [as Kapa] Oh! Over here. I- I found some tracks. Uh, let us take a look at these. [describes] Survival to follow the tracks
[Amanda] 21 survival. [as Marge] Well I do want to kind of follow them. See maybe where they came from or where they were goin'
[Elizabeth] Or what they look like. What they came from. What size of creature or type
[Amanda] Yeah! Oh, that's true. What the tracks look like.
[James] Kapa knows what these are. [as Kapa] Oh. That's-
[Zac] most useful NPC
[James, as Kapa] I know what these are. They will not be coming back. These were uh jinkins.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, what's a jinkin?
[James] and you see here just like put her bow away. [as Kapa] They are uh shitty little fey. They like to cause havoc and do the prank thing uh on travelers and caravans, typically while uh we sleep. We should check the food stores.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, dear
[James, as Kapa] They are most likely to target those
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa, gasps] Marigold! [describes] Vasilisa dashes over to her donkey. Is she okay?
[James] Marigold's fine [hee-haws]
[Elizabeth] Okay, now I'll-
[Amanda] Okay. We head back to camp, then.
[James, as Kapa] They do typically like to destroy all of the food you have.
[Amanda, as Marge] oh dear
[James, as Kapa] so we should go check the crates
[David, as Valdeen] Is- Are we out of danger? Everything- Everything alright?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, yes, Valdeen! It was just some tricky fey playing some tricks
[David, as Valdeen] Alright. I'm going back to sleep. [describes] and Valdeen attempts to holster his gun and it literally goes just falls down his leg and to the ground
[James] I love it
[David] because his holster's in his left hand
[James] sleepy Valdeen
[Elizabeth] Sleepy Valdeen
[Elizabeth] That's great
[David] he looks down and realizes the mistake, scoops up the gun real quick before--he looks around to see if anyone notices.
[James] You see Hatch staring at you and you- you make eye contact briefly and he turns away sharply
[James] and then he whistles [whistles]
[David] Valdeen crawls back into his tent and goes back to sleep.
[Elizabeth] are anyone else's tents broken? [as Vasilisa] Wait! [describes] and Vasilisa gets panicked again and goes and checks her tent. Is there no holes?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, good. Dermo.
[James] everyone checks their tents. Only hole is in Bolka and Gary's.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, is there anything missing in your tent Bolka?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] What is so special about-
[Zac, as Bolka] I- I do not know.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Gary! You have been very quiet.
[Zac, as Bolka] There was not much in there
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Is anything missing from you?
[James, as Gary, yawns]
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Other than your fingers
[James, as Gary, yawning] No
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay. Go back to sleep.
[James, as Gary] I'm good
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay
[Amanda, yawning] Aaa, you're making me yawn!
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh my goodness
[James, as Gary] Thank you for protecting us. You are the best witch ever.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] oh
[James, as Gary, snores]
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Well. Sleeping Gary, right?
[Zac, as Bolka] I mean, is- is low- is low bar, but he's right.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Wow! I don't-
[David] Oh, wow
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I mean, you're in Irrisen. Is fair. How many not winter witches have you possibly met? None. Sure
[Zac, as Bolka] We- No. Witches are- witches are all bad here.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes. Yeah. You added the 'here' and I agreed
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes, here. Here.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] immediately, but before then, the sentence was questionable.
[Zac, as Bolka] I don't know. Other places may have just wonderful witches who do so many public service.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I mean, some witches do eat children, but none that's-
[Zac, as Bolka] Is that a public service?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No, no. Not- No, I am saying-
[Zac, as Bolka] Like a Thanos kind of thing?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] -that some witches, yes ,are very goodm you know, for example my mentor, Theodora. She was the best person and was a service to the entire town of Heldren, but others do tend to-
[Zac, as Bolka] And she was a witch?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] -live you know in creepy little houses and lure children to eat on their limbs and things, so.
[James] is anybody going to go and check the food stores?
[Elizabeth] Oh, yeah
[David] We did on the donkey, already, right?
[Elizabeth] I'm checking Marigold and the sled because they're both in the same place
[James] okay. Marigold herself is fine
[James] are you storing anything on her or would you have taken it off?
[Elizabeth] I take it off because I want her to be cozy at night
[James] Cool. So, who is over there checking on this stuff?
[Elizabeth] Me, after my-
[James] Is it just Vasilisa? Okay
[Elizabeth] Me, I guess
[James] cool. So, all of [laughs] sorry- I got something caught-
[Zac] it sounds like it's gonna be good news, right?
[James] Yeah, it's gonna be great news. Um, so, looking at it, all of the trail rations you had on Marigold have sort of shriveled up like and you go and you try to touch one and it just kind of disintegrates into dust. Uh, popping open the barrel full of feed, you find that it is completely molded. It is grotesque smelling and putrid and just covered in filth. Marge, I think that the food you were storing on Ghost, like in on the bags, is also gone bad.
[Zac] Oh! [laughs]
[Zac] I have purify food drink prepared every single day
[Zac] As a- As a level zero
[Amanda] yeah, but if it turns to dust
[Elizabeth] Is it more like mending that you gotta- yeah, the dust rations are probably
[David] if he fixes it before we touch it [laughter] That would work just fine
[Elizabeth] We're each in our own separate locations
[David] zero calorie food from now on
[Amanda] If only
[Elizabeth] I mean maybe
[James] I'm not going to worry about it because it looks like purify food and drink just reverses it
[Zac] it sounds pretty strong. Yeah, the spell sounds strong enough
[James] it just- it negates it.
[James] I can't find anywhere that says specifically, but the spell cast was putrify food and drink
[Elizabeth] Hey, I have that spell!
[David] and purify is the opposite
[Zac] and so it should be the perfect counter for that then
[James] It's the counter of it. So, I'm not going to worry about it. You guys open up all these food stores, though, and your food is disgusting. And, a little look behind the curtain, what would be worse is if the curse that the jinkins were trying to place on Bolka had landed
[David] oh no!
[James] you wouldn't have been able to do purify food or drink or create any magical food.
[Zac] Oh, is that what they were going for?
[James] That's what they were going for.
[David] Oh, wow.
[James] it is a specific curse given by them. Um, so this entire encounter was great in a setup for that, but since uh that curse didn't land and you guys see all this dirty rotten gross food, Bolka just comes over and was like "hello, I am Bolka, oh, let me touch your foods" [laughter] and then the food- sorry
[Zac] I think I'm further east
[James] further east than that?
[David] Oh, no
[Zac] he got me a little bit to the west there
[James] uh regardless uh you guys open up, you see all the poison and gross food, uh, and Bolka is actually able to take care of it probably right then and there
[Zac] yeah if I see that that's what's going on like [as Bolka] oh this is not good. Here, let me. This looks not bad. This is not good. I will end
[magical sound effects]
[Elizabeth] so he takes like probably a solid two minutes of just going to each individual ration
[Zac] I go around
[James] I think there was definitely some panic because everyone realized like all of their food is fucking gone
[Elizabeth] Vasilisa was crying a little bit and petting Marigold [as Vasilisa] I'm sorry! you are going to starve in the worst country in all of Golarion
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, dear
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] And it is my fault! I brought you here!
[James] And then Bolka comes around is like 'boop!'
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] oh
[James] All better
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] You can do the opposite of what I can do. That's- That's good, I guess.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa, clears throat]
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes, is love- love purifies
[James] and with the food shortage solved, the entire scenario made moot by the point that Bolka has a fuckin' great Will save ,I guess our party will eat tomorrow and for the seven days after here on The Dimension Door Podcast!
[Music: Closing theme plays ("Press Start" by MDK Music)]
[Amanda] Yay! We're gonna have to remember to put all of our food in the bag of holding
[David] Yes. Bag of holding
[James] Seriously, though. How bad would that be? Two days into your trip, you guys lose all of your food
[Amanda] Everything. Oh, man
[James] It was gonna be great. I was gonna talk it out like 'oh I guess we better backtrack and murder those babies'
[Amanda] Is that why you presented meat?
[James] But once again, you guys don't want to murder babies
[Zac] I mean, I was-
[Elizabeth] Once again? I was fine with killing those baby trees
[Zac] I was okay with it
[Amanda] yes. yes, you were. um, and that like baby-
[Elizabeth and Amanda] No!
[James] Thanks for listening to this episode of The Dimension Door Podcast. You know, it has been awhile, so let me remind you that we have some amazing affiliate deals: you can use code DIMENSIONDOOR to get ten percent off at Metallic Dice Games for all of your tabletop needs! Dice trays, towers, all of that wonderful dice horde necessities. Or, if you are interested in some amazing Pathfinder themed grill rubs, head over to Alchemist Fire Barbecue, and remember to use the code DIMENSIONDOOR for 10 percent off both of these wonderful businesses. We also have some friendly neighborhood businesses that are run by you listeners: A and M Bath Shop has some amazing soaps, even some themed after our lovely party, so if you show them proof of leaving a review for our show, you will get 15 percent off your order. You can also get some wonderful bracelets themed after our party; these bracelets feature adorable mini dice incorporated into the design as well as porous beads that allow the application of oils for a lovely scent. Check out Bracelets of Hope! And, yes, special discount for anyone who is a member of our Patreon! Speaking of: If you want to support us directly and get some juicy bonus content, consider a monthly donation to help us keep the show going. I, of course, need to give some special thanks to the other members of Dimension Door working hard behind the scenes. Elizabeth has put together a shiny slick press kit. If you're curious on our listen numbers or award nominations, it's the best place for them. Amanda is kicking ass running the Severed Fate game, and if you're not listening to it, you should--and I know not all of you are because our weekly listen reports have some discrepancy to them. Go listen, give love. And of course Zac, grinding that music and editing to give us polished and amazing shows. Thanks to our all-star executive producers David Lester and Callie Rose. Supplementing our amazing orchestration and editing done by Zac, we also use spell effects from Syrinscape and our bumper tracks are from MDK Music. Check us out on social media and join us and our listeners on our Discord. Links for all of this can be found in the shownotes.