Farts and Crafts
[James, as Marigold the Donkey] These past few days have been a roller coaster of emotion. We have come to a very, very cold place, and after days of wonderful adventure and personal time with my most favorite of people, Vasilisa. However, after arriving to a new town--or maybe my town? It is so hard to tell so many things are the same. The buildings look the same, but the people are all different; when we got to our home, it didn't smell like our home and there were furry little people living inside--my bestest friend went inside and the next thing I know some strange men are feeding me sugar cubes and leading me back through the forest. I did not know where Vasilisa was, but I assumed she wanted me to go with these nice men. After hours more of walking, I was very tired and was excited when I was showed a personal bedroom just for me. A nice man took off my saddlebags and gave me a good brushing. They gave me some fresh warm water and food, but I missed my person, Lisa. I fell asleep thinking of our time together. I miss laying in fields with her, napping in the sun, and her making me pretty crowns made of flowers. This wonderful dream was cut short by a very rude awakening from a small hairy man prodding my rump. I nipped and kicked at him until he went away and after some nice stretches I got to see my favorite person again. I only got a brief amount of snuggles before the dumb hairy man was back prodding me, but Lisa made it seem like I should go with him, and so I did. We traveled through the dark until we met other furry people. I was given more yummy food and water, and a while later a bright little rude thing came and screamed a lot. The furry lady saddled me up and we marched back into the woods. I can now see my most favorite of people, but she does not seem happy to see me. I shall give her a good kiss. This should make her happy again.
[Music: opening theme plays (“Jelly Castle (orchestral remix)” by MDK Music)]
[James] You okay there, Zac?
[Zac] It's- that's rough!
[Zac] We- She- Like, Marigold has no idea.
[James] No. Marigold's been on a wonderful adventure. She got sugar cubes, she had her own stable, she had warm water--warm water, in a place like this! Holy shit! So, last week was rough-
[James] -for me
[David] Say that again...
[Zac] Oh, you're being meta?
[James] I'm being meta
[David] Oh, being meta, okay
[Elizabeth] And last episode was rough for our characters
[James] Last episode was your characters
[David] Yes, it was
[James] Last week was rough for me. So, we're doing it again because fuck, I made it 10 minutes and then I had a complete mental breakdown. And then I quit my job and now we're here! I feel so much better.
[Amanda and Elizabeth] Woo!
[James] Uh, but, uh, last-
[Zac] Stick it to the man!
[James] Yeah, stick it to the man! Last episode was a rough one.
[James] That latter half was just whoo
[Zac] I don't know if I've ever had a session where the feeling of wheels coming off of a wagon was so perfectly, like, encapsulated-
[James and David] Yeah
[Zac] -the end of that was just, like, we are going across, we're like flying across the finish line in a flaming, spinning coffin.
[Amanda] Yeah, exactly
[James] That's 100 percent what it was like.
[James] It fell apart very quickly
[James] but, like, looking back on it: kinda makes sense. It's been 10 days since the start of the adventure
[James] 12 days
[Amanda] 12? Whoo
[Zac] For you guys
[Elizabeth] For Bolka, it's been-
[Zac] But for Bolka it's been like a day and a ha-, two days
[David] Bolka's like, is- This is how you guys live? [Amanda laughs, David continues] What is wrong with you people?
[James] Yeah, Bolka watched everyone just like-
[Amanda, laughing] If only he knew-
[Elizabeth] Well, he can see that something's wrong with us [laughs]
[James] Bolka saw everyone just like crash and burn
[Zac] I don't think he got when he met you guys quite how tightly wound and like how much you had already been through. He just, he was meeting- he was meeting new people. They seemed okay.
[Elizabeth, in Vasilisa's voice] He did not get that from the blood harvesting or the killing people in their sleep bits?
[Zac] That's that which came after
[Elizabeth, in Vasilisa's voice] You thought that was maybe just our characters being ourselves?
[Zac] No, no: When I met you first in Waldsby, you seemed normal and nice, is what I was saying.
[Elizabeth, in Vasilisa's voice] Oh, that's fair.
[Elizabeth] We did a good job of pretending
[Elizabeth] Unlike my job of pretending to be a White Witch [laughs]
[Amanda] Well, we were just being quiet and hiding in Waldsby is all we were doing.
[Zac] You snowed, uh, Kapa. Like, you met Kapa and she liked you,-
[Zac] -and she gave me the seal of approval
[Zac] So, that's really all it was. I'm like okay, cool, Kapa says they're cool, they're totally cool.
[James] Yeah, and I mean, they saved Kapa's life, they seemed extremely competent
[James] and quite good people
[Zac] and then...
[Elizabeth] We did a Harrow reading; we trust her. It's fine
[James] Yeah! And- and then.
[Zac and David chuckle]
[Zac] Then other- and then other things.
[James] And then... stuff happened
[Elizabeth] I got to set a few gardens on fire in Waldsby, too. It was an outlet, you know?
[James] Yeah. And now we're here, and it was- it was a time in the forest. Looking back on it, we're not gonna use that rule system again. It ramps things up very quickly and although for our party it makes sense with how much they've been through the last 12 days, I do not recommend that system for regular-
[Zac] As a general- yeah
[James] -as a general sleeplessness rule. Uh, it made sense for our party in the moment. I never want to use it again. [Amanda laughs, James continues] I think it ramps stuff up way too quickly
[David] Too punishing
[James] and if you have... It is way too punishing, too quickly, and I think if you have cool people at your table like I do, you can just rely on them to role play it out in whatever way they think is appropriate for being sleepless. But, we are still going to have a mechanical, uh, situation happen. So, we're getting rid of the old rules that we did last time, that we took so long to research and discover, and we're implementing a new set of rules! Uh, and these are going to be separate from the, um, forced march rules, which we are still going to use. Um, doing those constitution saves and everything. But, the new sleeplessness system that I've come up with is going to be a dual save system. We're going to be doing fort save and will save. So, the fortitude save is to see if your body just fails and you fall asleep, and the will save is going to be if you take any wisdom damage. So, everything-
[Zac] Oh, that's nice
[Zac] because the way we did it is assuming that you are able to force yourself to stay awake
[Zac] and that's not always gonna be the case
[James] That's not- that's not the case
[David] That's a really good point
[James] So, like, it's- it's gonna start after you're awake for 16 hours straight. Uh, that's when the checks are gonna start. It's gonna be every hour. Both checks are starting at DC 10 and it just gets one harder for every hour past that. If you fail the fortitude save, you fall asleep. If you fail the will save, you are going to take one point of temporary wisdom-
[Elizabeth and James, in unison] -damage.
[James] Yeah, I had to make sure all that was right in my head.
[Amanda and Zac laugh]
[James] Um, and it's not going to use the regular damage recovery rules, um, where you only recover a certain amount of points for however many nights you sleep; it'll just all be gone once you get a full eight hours of uninterrupted rest.
[Zac] because that's what was causing it
[James] Yeah, because that's what was causing it. And I think for this situation like normally when I do sleep rules it is like 'yeah you need eight hours, but you can break it up into a couple different sections and everything.' For this: constant eight hours; you can't be interrupted. You have to do a full eight block of sleep.
[James] Which I think that makes more sense
[Amanda] Makes sense
[David] Don't- Now it's just like-
[Elizabeth] You gotta get that full REM cycle
[James] And I don't know if you guys are ever gonna get to that point again, where we have to do that, but-
[Amanda] You never know!
[James] -now we know what the house rule is
[James] Uh, and it's great because now I can use this house rule in all of my other games, and I encourage you all out there to use this system or use a different system; just don't use the third party system that is extraordinarily punishing for what it is.
[Zac] I- I'm hoping that we, after this experience, this party brings a tent with them.
[Zac] -when they go places.
[James] I think they will
[Elizabeth] Well, I- But, I think it's a-
[Elizabeth] It's a little bit of a conundrum for our party because we have equal reason to be shy of just not sleeping and to also be incredibly shy of trying to rest.
[Elizabeth] Bad things happen when we try to rest
[Amanda, laughing] Yeah
[James] I mean, you guys were technically being chased for a time, and I think a lot of that just like bled over, and you're like 'we're not safe out in the open yet; we have to get somewhere we know is secure'
[Zac] Well, and it was freezing cold. We couldn't-
[James] And it was freezing cold
[Elizabeth] Too cold!
[Zac] We couldn't just like build something out of bushes
[Zac] -or trees
[James] Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
[Elizabeth] Couldn't do it! I would have frozen.
[Zac] Do you want to let the the listeners in to like any kind of how we're going to get out of this, or is it all going to be just a mystery. I kind of feel like it's a mystery right now to myself.
[James] Yeah. I mean, we talked a bit about it last time. Um, carrying over the effects that have occurred. I liked what we had discussed, uh, previously, um
[Zac] Not on the show
[James] Not on the show, but previously together because we are all friends and we talk together outside of the actual recording, is that it's kind of gonna be a player choice on how working towards resolving these penalties occurs because I don't want to come up with 'oh, you need to do x y z and then you'll be cleared.' I think it definitely is more of a deciding how you're going to role play the conditions and coming up with ways in character that makes sense on how to clear those effects. So, we find ourselves now, uh, a very short distance away from the wonderful hidey hole, and coming over the hill, you see some friendly faces. You see, uh, Kapa, the wonderful ratfolk woman who you guys helped save, um, when you first arrived here in Irrisen and she took you guys back to her little village where you met Bolka, uh, and she is of course a wonderful little middle-aged ratfolk lady who looks eerily similar to someone from Marge's past-
[James] -who we know has passed.
[James] Um, you see Marigold, the Good Girl, the most wonderful of donkeys. You see the little hairy domovoi, Hatch. And you see the glowing ball of light, Vrixx, the sprite
[David] Good job
[James] Thank you, thank you
[James] And they crest the hill and they look over at you all. Campfire going, Bolka looking very bedraggled and like [imitating Bolka] I- I do not, I don't know what to do with all of these people [Zac and David laugh, James continues in his regular voice] I'm not- I'm not gonna- I'm not taking away your agency; that's just what I imagine is happening. Please tell me what you look like, Bolka. I'm sorry.
[Amanda chuckles, says] That was just funny, you're bedrag-rr-
[Zac] I like 'be-' I look 'bedraggle.'
[Zac, laughing] I'm 100 percent 'bedraggle.' Um, we're all exhausted
[Zac] Just because he's not crazy... Like, he is as exhausted as everyone else, he just happens to be like- his brain is holding together a little bit longer
[Zac] and that's not to say that he's not one more hour away from completely losing his mind as well
[Zac] So, yeah. He's a wreck.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Are we in some sort of land of rat people? Why are there so many little fuzzy people here?
[Zac, as Bolka] Uh, that is fair question. Um, I'm-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Why is it so cold?
[Zac, as Bolka] Is just two... Actually, these are two from completely opposite parts of- of Golarion. It's interesting.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] They look like they're the same type of people, though. You know?
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes. [describes] His eyelids are getting heavy, he's like [as Bolka] Yes, that's, uh- [describes] because now that he sees them coming, it's almost like 'I can stop trying.'
[James] Yeah. The weight's been lifted a bit.
[Zac, chuckling] Like, I don't want them to have to carry me back, but, like, if they don't hurry, that might happen.
[Amanda, as Marge yelling in distance] Oh, I think I see it over here, guys!
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Does anybody have a blanket? Do you see a blanket, little rat lady?
[Amanda] I don't know that she's close enough to... She's- She's- She's turning over rocks... [laughs]
[Elizabeth] I don't know that I'm saying it loudly enough that it would matter
[Zac] Right, and even if you did, she might just be so focused
[Elizabeth] Like, that- Too tired to actually call out
[James, as Kapa] Oh dear. Uh- I- Goodness.
[Zac, as Bolka] Kapa!
[James, as Kapa] It is- Hello, Bolka. It is- This looks worse than, uh, Vrixx explained, which was quite bad.
[Zac, as Bolka] You know, has gotten a little bit worse since Vrixx left.
[James, as Kapa] Yes. I- Come, my friend. We are- we are not too far. Let us get you all back into the the hovel and we will warm you all up. We've brought blankets and- and hot drinks. Uh, hopefully it'll be enough to spur everyone forward for just a little while longer.
[Zac, as Bolka] How far? How much-? How far away is-?
[James, as Kapa] Oh, 15 minutes at most.
[Zac, as Bolka] Okay. Oh, good. Oh, good.
[James, as Kapa] It is not far.
[David, as Valdeen] We're too exposed. We can't be out in the open.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] This-
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, we have-
[David, as Valdeen] Get- Get down!
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, okay; hold on
[James, as Kapa] Here-
[David, as Valdeen] Look- Look out!
[James, as Kapa] Here you go, Valdeen. Wear this. It is- It is- [describes] And she hands you, like, she goes over to Marigold and she pulls out like a small, like, camouflage tarp, and it's like- and she gets a blanket and she kind of like pins them together.
[David] That's awesome
[James, as Kapa] Here, here. Put this on! Put this on. It'll help hide you.
[David, as Valdeen] Okay
[James, as Kapa] You will- you will be fine in the open while you are wearing this.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I do not necessarily trust you, but also-
[sound of die roll]
[James] She got an 18 on her persuasion
[David] I- I accept the camouflage cloak, although I kind of like-
[James] Diplomacy. Diplomacy check.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Are there more blankets on this beautiful specimen of a donkey?
[James] And Marigold, the Good Girl, comes up to you and she just like nuzzles into you a little bit, and you feel her warm head, and she like nips you a little bit.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] This is a very warm, comforting donkey. I think maybe I just hug the donkey and feel better without a blanket. [describes] And Vasilisa is just like curling up next to the warmth of Marigold's body, like, 'yeah, this is nice.'
[Amanda, as Marge, yelling in distance] Well, that wasn't it, guys, but I think I see it over here! [describes] and Marge scampers to another log.
[Zac, as Bolka] This is- This is- Her name is Marigold. This is your donkey.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Shh...I don't remember having a donkey, but I shall claim her if you say so.
[Zac, as Bolka] You- Uh, I know you love her very much--at least you said that--and we had to, uh, we had to work very hard to keep her with us, so it's- she was very important to you.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh
[Zac, as Bolka] I think you will probably remember very soon.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I would hope so. All I know is: very pretty donkey. Also, very warm.
[Zac] I'm relieved. Like, I was- I was worried she was gonna be like 'what the hell is this thing?' and, like, smack it or, like-
[David] No, no!
[James, imitating Vasilisa] Get this smelly creature away from me!
[Zac] So, Bolka is relieved that, like, well, at least this seems, like, to be going in the right direction...
[Zac] Ah, but we must get Marge
[James] And, speaking of going in the right direction: Marge is not!
[James, as Kapa] Uh, Marge! Marge. The hovel is actually this way
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, Sara!
[James, as Kapa] Hello- What? Uh, yes.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh! I-
[James, as Kapa] That is my name. Uh, come on! Let us- Let us go, now. It is-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Close enough, I guess
[James, as Kapa] It's close enough, yes. Come on, let us go. The hovel is this way. Is- Is not-
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, are we going home?
[James, as Kapa] Yes, we are- we are going back to- back to home. Yes.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, okay. You know, I missed you so much. We should- we should definitely go back home. Yeah, yeah, yeah
[James, as Kapa] Okay. Yes. Let us- Let us go and do that, yes.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I told you: all the rat people know each other. Clearly, this is rat country.
[David, as Valdeen] Yeah, it doesn't even matter, though. Don't worry about it.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay. I don't know why I should trust it doesn't matter.
[David, as Valdeen] Nothing matters!
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Suddenly seems like it's the most important thing if you say it does not matter...
[James, as Kapa] Alright- Alright, everyone-
[David, as Valdeen] Wait, what was that?
[James, as Kapa] -we- we walk and talk, walk and talk. It is--we will be fine.
[Zac] Get on a sled--everyone has a sled...
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, Sara! Is that it right there? I see a rock, we can-
[James, as Kapa] No, no.
[Amanda, as Marge] No?
[James, as Kapa] Keep going, a little bit further
[David, as Valdeen] Can't be out in the open
[Amanda, as Marge] Okay.
[David, as Valdeen] Stay close
[James, as Kapa] Marge, I would like you to count to 100
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh
[James, as Kapa] and then- and then, maybe we will be there. I think that is how long it will take for us to get there.
[Amanda, as Marge] Okay. I don't recognize this; it doesn't look a whole lot like home.
[James, as Kapa] Alright, follow--One...
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, right, right. One...Two...
[Zac, as Bolka] We could do, like, bottles of potion on wall, 100 bottles of potion
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] Three...Four...
[Zac, as Bolka] 100 bottles...
[James, as Kapa, sing-song] Take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of portion on wall
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] ...Seven...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Did you know, I have some berries in this bag at my belt?
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] Eight...Nine...
[Zac, as Bolka & James, as Kapa] Yes
[James, as Kapa] Those are-
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] Ten...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] They are yummy berries!
[James, as Kapa] Yes, careful! Do not eat too many of those berries; you will get the a- an achey tummy. They are magic berries.
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] ...Thirteen...
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes, I think you actually made those berries magic
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] These berries do not detect as magical. I think perhaps you are lying to me.
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] ...Sixteen...
[Zac] Do they not to take as magic?
[Elizabeth] No, they're my regular not-magical berries
[Elizabeth] I am out of goodberries [laughs]
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] ...Nineteen...
[Zac, as Bolka, singing] Take one down, pass it around...
[Amanda, as Marge] Twenty! Okay, we're getting close, yeah?
[Zac, as Bolka, singing] Slightly fewer bottles of-
[James, as Kapa, joining in singing] 77 bottles of potion on the walls!
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] Twenty-one...Twenty-two...
[Zac, as Bolka] Good- good job, Marge. This is good.
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] Twenty-three...
[Zac, as Bolka] We will- we will make it.
[James, as Hatch, clears throat]
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Do you think that something is going to hear us?
[at same time, James, as Hatch] Honestly, I'm surprised it's working
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] Twenty-five...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa, gasps] Oh! Hello
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I think that's it!
[David, as Valdeen] Gotta watch the trees
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Everybody-
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, Hatch
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] -there is a house spirit here
[James, as Hatch] Hello
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] So, we must be close to a house
[James, as Hatch] Yeah
[Amanda, as Marge] Ohhhh
[James, as Hatch] Gotta just keep going.
[David, as Valdeen] Yeah, that's Hatch.
[Amanda, as Marge] You know, I never had a house spirit. Twenty-seven...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] They are very helpful, except when they are obeying your mother's... [gasps]
[Zac] Bolka thinks-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] My mother used to be quite mean!
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] ...Thirty...
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes, that's what you said. You have said that.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No, I have remembered: Moya mama is a mean person.
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] ...Thirty-three...
[James, as Hatch] Mhm; she's a witch.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa, gasps] Do you mean like a literal witch, or like is witch an insult to you?
[David, as Valdeen] Well, no, you're a witch, too
[James, as Hatch] Yeah, you're a witch, too.
[David, as Valdeen] Yeah
[James, as Hatch] She's a- Yeah, she's a witch
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] ...Thirty-eight...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Witches seem like they're quite excellent people, if they are like me. I am just saying.
[James, as Hatch] No, she not like you. You're- you're warm and friendly, and you smell really nice, and you're nice to me.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, thank you! I have noticed: I believe I smell like berries. It is perhaps the ones in my pouch.
[James, as Hatch] Yeah, you've got berries. Yeah, that's right.
[Zac] So, he- So, Bolka is remembering, I think, that, uh, that Vasilisa doesn't speak Sylvan, I think?
[James] No, I don't think she does.
[Zac] So, he's gonna say in Sylvan-
[Elizabeth] No, I do speak Sylvan
[James] Oh, shit
[Elizabeth] but it's cool if he doesn't know that.
[Amanda, as Marge] Fifty! We're halfway there, yeah? Yeah. Oh, oh--Sara, are we halfway there?
[James, as Kapa] Yes. Yes, Marge. We are halfway there. Keep going!
[Amanda, as Marge] Are you sure it's not that- that rock right there?
[James, as Kapa] Oh, you- you know what, you better go check that one rock, but then I need you to keep counting, okay?
[Amanda, as Marge] Okay. Okay. I'm gonna go check it out. [describes] and she scampers to a rock and flips it up [as Marge] Oh! Oh, I don't think that's it.
[James, as Kapa] Alright, Marge: Keep counting!
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, okay. Oh, where was I? Oh, I uh-
[James, as Kapa] You were on-
[Amanda, as Marge] Fifty!
[James, as Kapa] There we go.
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in background] Fifty-one...
[James] You were saying, Bolka?
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] Fifty-two...
[Zac] So, if he thinks maybe she doesn't because he knows Aklo too, but he's thinking maybe if she doesn't speak Sylvan, he's gonna try and get, like, whisper to Hatch and be like [as Bolka] Uh, something happened, and Vasilisa does not remember she is Vasilisa.
[James] Do you want to roll a stealth check?
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] ...Fifty-six...
[Zac] Let's do it. [die rolls] 1
[Zac] No, it was a 5
[James] Oh, Jesus
[Elizabeth, David, and Amanda all laugh]
[Amanda] And you have a minus 4?
[Zac] I got a minus 4. My armor is so loud that I can't whisper.
[James] No, take- take off the- take off the armor check penalty.
[Zac] Oh, oh! Then...
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in the background] Fifty-nine...
[Zac] Well, then it's 2 better.
[Zac, chuckling] It's a three
[James] Vasilisa, do you want to roll opposed to that?
[Elizabeth] I'm sorry, but yes, I do.
[James] Alright, give me perception
[Zac] I don't even think you need to....
[Zac] Did you get- did you get a three?
[Elizabeth] No, it's definitely more than three
[Zac] Okay [laughs]
[James] So, you hear that
[James, as Hatch] Um, yeah. That sucks
[Amanda, as Marge, counting in background] ...Sixty-three...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Are you talking about me?
[James, as Hatch] She still seems really nice, though.
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, you speak- you speak Sylvan also? Or are you just hear-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I'm learning lots of things-
[Zac, as Bolka] You just listen for your name?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Do you know any other languages?
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, I know many, many languages.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I should like to know which ones I know. I should- Let's see... I know this one...
[James, as Kapa] Marge! What number are you on?
[Amanda, as Marge] Seventy-one! [keeps counting in background]
[Zac, as Bolka] Well, you already know Taldane [describes] he would say Taldane. [as Bolka] Well, you already know Taldane
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes. Okay. Yes, I know this one.
[Zac] and then he would say in Dwarven like 'do you also speak Dwarven?'
[Elizabeth] She answers in Dwarven [as Vasilisa] Oh, yes! This is also very, very familiar
[Amanda, as Marge, continuing to count] ...Eighty...
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh my goodness! I- I never knew that. I've known you for a full 48 hours, and I never knew that about you.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh. You learn something new every day, I guess. Is it day? It's very dark here.
[Zac, as Bolka] It is dark, but [as self, asks] It's- it's morning, though, right? The sun's already come up.
[Elizabeth] I think it's like midday
[James] Yeah. It's- it's middle of the day.
[Amanda, as Marge, continues to count in background] ...Eighty-seven...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] It's overcast and cold?
[Zac, as Bolka] And we know you speak a Sylvan because you just heard me speak Sylvan
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Mhm
[Amanda, as Marge, counting in background] Ninety!
[Zac] Um, he's going to say something kind of abrasive in Aklo and see if she speaks Aklo?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I do not- Was that even words you said just then?
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes, is like bad language. Is like bad fey language, is not good.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Did you say a curse word at me?
[Zac, as Bolka] No, I was just- I was just asking- That's actually how you say the name of the language...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, gotcha
[Zac, as Bolka] I was just asking if you spoke--
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Well, no, I do not.
[Zac, as Bolka] You said, when you first were sitting by the fire, you said Hallit--you started speaking Hallit--so, you know that, obviously.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes. Okay.
[Zac, as Bolka] Um, and you speak- you speak- speak Skald. [describes] He tries a little Skald on her
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes. Mhm, mhm
[Zac, as Bolka] But I don't know if you would speak [describes] he tries some Gnome that he learned from Ten-di-gezil [Tengezil]
[James and David laugh]
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No
[Zac, as Bolka] That does nothing for you
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No
[Amanda, as Marge] One-hundred! Sara! Are we there? I don't see--
[James, as Kapa] Yes, Marge; we are there. I need you to go and find the snowman now.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, a snowman?
[James, as Kapa] Yes, a snowman
[Amanda, as Marge] Ya know, I don't remember a snowman by home, but ya know, I suppose things can change...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I don't remember a snowman, either, but I don't like the idea of a man made out of snow.
[David, as Valdeen] No, it's just a marker.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Sounds very cold
[David, as Valdeen] It's a snowman, it's--
[Zac] We hear from under the blankets
[David, as Valdeen] It's supposed--
[Zac] That's awesome
[Amanda] Just muffled [makes muffled sounds mimicking Valdeen's tone]
[David] He, like, peeks out of his [as Valdeen] There's a snowman
[James, as Kapa] Do you see those- those footprints right there, Marge?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh yes! Oh, yes.
[James, as Kapa] Alright. Follow those and you will find the snowman.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, come with me! [describes] and she grabs Sara's hand
[James, as Kapa] Okay. Bolka, are you- are- You have Hatch. Yes, you are fine. Alright, here we go!
[Amanda, as Marge] Found it!
[James] There it is.
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh!
[Amanda, as Marge] It's right here, guys! Look!
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, you're right!
[David, as Valdeen] Ahh [a relieved sound]
[James] And you guys-
[Zac, as Bolka] You are actually right!
[Amanda, as Marge] It's a snowman!
[James] You guys move-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] My goodness
[James] Kapa bends down and like drags the snowman to the side
[Amanda, as Marge] Would you look at that
[James, as Kapa] Alright, Marge. Come on! Hop in. Everybody, come on over!
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, my goodness
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Even a broken clock is sometimes not wrong.
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes
[David, as Valdeen] Kapa, make sure to cover our tracks out here so no one follows us in.
[James, as Kapa] You got it, Valdeen. Hop on in there, now.
[David, as Valdeen] Alright
[Amanda] I'm assuming Ghost just kind of followed everybody because Marge was not paying attention.
[James] Yeah Ghost was--Ghost was, uh, being, uh, ridden by Vrixx. He was like [as Vrixx] Come on. Nope, go this way... [describes] and at a certain point Vrixx is just like flying in front of Ghost a little bit and Ghost is just like nipping at him and like jutting forward trying to get him and Vrixx is like [as Vrixx] god-
[Zac] Well, Vrixx is the carrot
[James, as Vrixx] Goddamn fucking bullshit I go through for you motherfuckers. You better appreciate me [grumbles] I can't wait to go back to my little house and have some fucking coffee and [grumbles]
[James] Uh, but you guys are back at the hovel, and--
[Zac] Thank god. Do we win Pathfinder?
[James] Uh, yes. That is-
[Zac] Thank god!
[James] We've won! Moving on, game--next game, next game
[David] Good job, team. Okay
[Elizabeth] Book 4: finished
[James] Book 4: finished
[James] I thought we were on Book 2. How did we jump so far forward? Um--
[Zac] 2 was saving Marigold, you said.
[Elizabeth] Yeah, yeah
[James] 2 was saving Marigold. 3 was getting here
[Zac] Getting out of the woods, yeah
[Elizabeth] 4 was-
[James] And now we're in Book 4
[Elizabeth] Yeah. Here we go.
[Zac] Which, I feel like- I feel like opening the snowman hatch was like the first part of book four
[James] Yeah. So, we're back at the hovel, and after some finagling we managed to get everybody inside, uh, minus probably Marigold, who is a good girl outside.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] But who will be my snuggle buddy if the beautiful donkey is outside?
[James] and you feel a little tug at your side and you look down and there's Hatch
[James] and you can't tell because he's covered in hair, but he has big old watery puppy dog eyes
[James, as Hatch] I- I could, uh--
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] You do look--Here. Come here into my arms. I must test your heat.
[James, as Hatch] Alright
[Elizabeth] and she scoops Hatch up
[Elizabeth] Is he warm?
[James] He's surprisingly light. He is warm. He's mostly fur, so...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay, you shall do. You shall be cuddle buddy. Let's go
[James, as Hatch, makes pleased noises]
[Zac and David laugh]
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Someone take care of the beautiful donkey, though. I shall go lie down, now.
[James] and you make your way over to the little bed chamber that's set up with all the different blankets and bedrolls laid out, uh, nice and snuggly next to a little fire burning.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I claim spot closest to fire
[Elizabeth] and Vasilisa lies down with her snuggle buddy and passes out.
[James] and I think at this time Kapa is like trying to get everybody situated, to the point where, once everyone seems to be like there and inside and safe, she um heads back outside to go secure Marigold and make sure that Marigold has some kind of like camouflage covering and a little tent set up and is taken care of because she is a very good girl. Um and then we are--
[Zac] Kapa? [Zac chuckles]
[James] Kapa. Yes, thank you. I said Sara, didn't I?
[Zac] Oh, no. I'm saying 'Kapa is a very good girl?'
[James] Kapa i- No. Marigold. Marigold. [Zac laughs, James continues] Oh my god, I'm so confused.
[David and Zac laugh]
[Elizabeth] They're all such good-
[Zac] They're all very good girls!
[James] All of them are great, okay? They're all wonderful.
[Elizabeth] They're all very great ladies, okay?
[David] Oh, boy
[James] Um, so Marigold and Kapa are outside just getting stuff situated. Um, you see the two little ratfolk boys off in the corner just- just playing
[Zac] It's a welcome sight, I'm sure.
[Amanda] Marge will go up to the boy [as Marge] Oh, hey boys! Uh, you want to help me with something?
[James] They just stare at you
[Amanda, as Marge] I've got an idea. I've got a great idea. [describes] and she takes a tarp and she, uh, finds like a knife and kind of, uh, cuts a rectangle out of it and takes a goodberry--
[Zac] I'm assuming this is all in Taldane?
[Elizabeth] Oh, yeah
[James] Yeah, this is all in Taldane
[James] They don't fucking know
[Elizabeth] She doesn't know that they don't know
[James] Yeah, yeah!
[Zac] That's awesome
[James] It's great. It's perfect.
[Amanda] She's manic and delusional-
[Amanda] -but they're ratfolk kids
[James] Yeah. Why would they not know her language?
[Elizabeth] She has instincts
[Amanda] Right. So, she- she cuts a rectangle out of a tarp and sits it down on a table, uh, grabs a goodberry out of her pack and kind of mashes it up and then she's [as Marge] Oh, come here! Come here, boys! You're going to help me out with this.
[Elizabeth] She's- she started an arts and crafts table
[James, as one of the ratfolk boys (Orm)] Uh, Mister- Mister Bolka?
[Zac, as Bolka] Uh, yes? Is this- Mjolnir or Orm?
[James, in ratfolk boy voice] Mlmlmlm, yeah.
[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]
[Zac] Hold on, hold on: let's do this right.
[Elizabeth] Y'all have names
[Zac] Orm or Mjoli?
[James] Uh, This is Orm.
[Zac] Okay. [laughing] Mjolnir
[James, as Orm] Um, Mister Bolka? The fuck's going on with her?
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh my goodness! Where did you learn such language from? Is this from Hatch?
[James, as Orm] No
[Zac, as Bolka] Have you been listening to Hatch?
[James, as Orm] No, the bright one was saying it.
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, don't- No, do not listen to Vrixx.
[James, as Orm] Oh
[Zac, as Bolka] Holy crap, the mouth on that guy.
[Elizabeth and Amanda laugh]
[James, as Orm] What the holy crap is going on with Miss Marge?
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes, oh. Very good. What in name of Bolka. She- I do not think-
[James, as Orm] What does she want?
[Zac, as Bolka] I don't. She-
[James, as Orm] She has a knife.
[Zac, as Bolka] What she wants, uh, I do- You do not need to worry. It's going to be okay.
[James, as Orm] Okay
[Zac, as Bolka] What she- What she wants is- is changing from moment to moment. What she needs, I think, is rest.
[James, as Orm] Okay. Well...
[Zac, as Bolka] Uh, she's- We are all- It was a very hard day, kids, and you know sometimes when you play just too hard and you get so kind of silly?
[James, as Orm] Yeah
[Zac, as Bolka] Well, this is the adult version of that. Is very silly.
[James, as Orm] Oh, she needs to take a nap.
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, exactly. Yes. That is very much true.
[James, as Orm] Do- do we have to take a nap?
[Zac, as Bolka] No, you kids are-
[James, as Orm] Okay
[Zac, as Bolka] You- I'm so happy to see you guys right now.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Why are there so many languages happening in the room in which I am trying to sleep?
[Zac] Everyone just--Zip.
[Zac] The witch- The witch has [everyone else laughs, Zac finishes] spoken! We're all like
[James, as Orm] Alright. We're gonna--We're just gonna go play dice again.
[Zac, as Bolka] Okay. I guess quietly, so as not to upset the winter witch.
[James, as Orm] Okay. We could do that.
[Amanda] Marge sticks her fingers in the berry juice and starts putting her fingers on the tarp.
[Zac] On the tarp?
[Zac] Oh geez
[Elizabeth] The tarp [unintelligible]
[James, as Orm] Pretty weird
[David] If anybody looks over, there's a chair that's kind of leaning against a wall and Valdeen's already like laying across the chair, leaning back and kind of covering his head with the blanket
[James] oh, I love it
[David] and the tarp and the camouflage, and he's just kind of like curled-
[James] He's- he's going
[David] He's already asleep.
[James] He's going. He's gone.
[David] You hear him, he's gently snoring
[James] That's great.
[Elizabeth] Vasilisa, I think, is--cracked one eye open because people kept talking--and she sees this ratfolk woman smearing berries on a tarp, and is like [as Vasilisa] That's not how you write things. [describes] and just instinctively reaches at her waist and pats around and pulls out like this charcoal pencil and throws it across the room at Marge. [as Vasilisa] Just write with the correct tool!
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, that's perfect!
[James] Do a-
[Zac] Okay, BAB plus dex, roll to hit
[James] Yeah, do it. [Zac laughs, James continues] Give me a- a ranged attack
[James] Let's roll some dice
[Elizabeth] I just rolled a nat one
[Elizabeth] I don't know where it went, but it's not hittin' Marge
[Zac] Does it hit me?
[Amanda] Maybe it hit Marge in the back of the head and then it just kind of fell
[James] I like- That- That's fine. I like that.
[Zac] Natural one. I love it.
[James] Natural one
[Elizabeth] Nat one. I'm a little tired.
[James and David] Mhm
[David and Amanda] It makes sense.
[Elizabeth] My- my new pretty dice! They have failed me!
[Amanda] Oh no!
[James] Alright, so Vasilisa is tucked in, Valdeen is tucked in. Um, at about this time, Kapa comes back down the ladder and she looks around and she's like [as Kapa] Okay, one, two, uh, not yet, and not yet... Uh, Bolka, you--Go get some sleep.
[Zac, as Bolka] Is good idea, yes. [describes] He's just gonna use the floor. Like, his- his years in the slave camp, like, he doesn't need a bed or anything; he can just like slump on the ground.
[James] Cool. You do that.
[Zac] He's got robes to snuggle up with
[James] Yep. She- she goes and gets a blanket and throws it over you, anyway
[Zac] Cool. Nice.
[James, as Kapa] Alright, Marge. Come on! It is time to go to sleep.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I gotta finish this up, though!
[James, as Kapa] Uh... You can finish it after you sleep.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I've got just one more thing to do. Hold on, I-
[James, as Kapa] Okay-
[Amanda, as Marge] I- I'll get it
[James, as Kapa] -I'm going to count to ten. One, two, three, four...
[Amanda] and she hastily just with the with the-
[James, as Kapa] five... [keeps counting]
[Amanda] -charcoal pencil and the red berries does some more drawing and stuff, and slows down
[James, as Kapa] ...eight...
[Amanda] and slows down
[James, as Kapa] nine...
[Amanda] and then her head goes on the table.
[James, as Kapa] Okay. Oh, wow. That was--okay. [whispering] Are you asleep now, Marge?
[sound of fire crackling and Amanda, as Marge, snores]
[James, as Kapa] Good, good
[Zac] That was effective
[James, as Kapa] That will work. [describes] uh and Kapa will go and get another blanket and put it over Marge, and then we are just left with four people awake. We have the two little ratfolk boys, who are very politely and quietly playing dice off in the corner. We have Kapa, who is just looking around at everyone like 'holy Jesus Fucking Christ, what has happened,' and then we have Vrixx, and we- we take a moment and we get a nice vignette of Vrixx in his little dollhouse, and he's in the kitchen and you see he has like a little a match size stick boiling some water and he has like a bean that he's like punching into oblivion. He's making himself a little, a little coffee
[Zac] Oh, coffee bean
[James] Coffee bean
[Zac] I think he's making like refried beans, like it's a pinto bean or something
[James] No, like a coffee bean and stuff, and- and he- he like, he's in there and he's like having a good time he's like humming a little song or something [as Vrixx, hums, sings] and that's how you make coffee. Yeah, make some coffee. And I'm gonna make coffee. [Vrixx stops singing, says] Alright, that's pretty good, yep. [slurping sounds] Yeah, that's good, that's good. [describes] and then you see him fly out with like the biggest mug he can hold [Amanda chuckles, James continues] which is like a little shot glass, uh, full of coffee, and he flies over to Kapa and just like hands it to her, and she- she takes it in her little ratfolk hand--it's a pretty good size for her--and Vrixx just sits on her shoulder and goes [as Vrixx] This is kind of fucked, isn't it?
[Elizabeth and David chuckle]
[James, as Kapa] Yes, yes, Vrixx. I- it is kind of fucked.
[James] And then they both just take a long sip of coffee and they stare at everyone. We're gonna cut to eight hours later.
[Zac] I'm really glad because we're all sleeping that, like, Orm- Orm and Mjoli aren't like doppelgangers
[Elizabeth, laughing] Oh, god
[Zac] who were like as soon as we all go to sleep
[Zac] we're trapped in this hole
[James] Trapped in this hole and everyone-
[Zac] No one's on watch...
[James] You all get murdered
[Zac] The two little kids
[Elizabeth] We don't wake up
[Zac] They played it so well...
[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]
[Zac] No one would have known
[James] They're really- they're really nice little kids. They're good. They're good behaved boys who know that uh the White Witches are always watching them and that they will die if they fuck up somehow, so [makes shooting sound effects]
[Zac] Good training
[James] Good training
[Zac] Good job, Kapa.
[James] Good, good, good adulting
[Elizabeth] I was too busy sleeping to be offended, but someone called me a winter witch last night! I'm just pointing this out
[Amanda and Zac laugh]
[Zac] It was just for- for scaring the boy, effectively scaring the boys
[Elizabeth] That's fair, but now the boys are going to be terrified of Vasilisa
[Zac] As well they should be
[James and Amanda laugh]
[Zac] That's right, that's a reasonable response
[Elizabeth] That's fair
[James] That is fair
[Zac] You- You're like level five now?
[Elizabeth] I am, yeah
[Zac] Yeah. Step back, watch out
[James] I mean, everyone's level five
[Elizabeth] Woah, woah, woah. Not the boys
[James] Oh, that's true
[Zac, laughing] That's what I was- That's what I'm saying. The boys should be scared
[James] I don't think Kapa's level five, either. Or Hatch, or Vrixx. Really, it's just you guys.
[James] The heroes of our story
[Elizabeth] We're so powerful. And sleepy.
[James] So, eight hours later. It is well into night.
[Zac] Is it only eight--I mean does, everybody wake up after eight, or does someone sleep for 12 or 16 or...
[James] I think you guys stir at eight, and it's up to you whether like you feel tired enough you're just gonna keep sleeping, but you know like when you're like exhausted and you fall asleep in the middle of the day and you wake up and it's like it's obviously night and you're like 'I could get up and do stuff or--'
[Zac] lay here
[James] '--I could sleep until tomorrow.'
[Elizabeth] I think Vasilisa autopilots a little. She wakes up, she- she grabs one of Marigold's saddle bags that's got all of Marigold's feed in it, she pulls some barley out, she goes up the ladder, she gives Marigold a big ol' hug and some barley, she gives her a brush down, she goes back down into the hidey-hole, and she passes out again. Just full autopilot.
[James] I love it.
[Zac] Like sleep eating, but sleep feeding
[Elizabeth] Yeah, sleep feeding the donkey. Back to bed.
[Zac] Interesting. I feel like if Bolka roused that he would--he's concerned about everyone else and he feels like he's got some responsibility, so he probably would, out of his concern for the others, he would probably get up and start like checking on everyone else and seeing how they're doing.
[James] Okay. I like it.
[Zac] and if no one else is up, he might think about preparing his spells to help everyone else.
[David] Valdeen does not wake up, but he's lying on the floor instead of the chair and he's just like not moving.
[Zac] Does it look like he fell or did he just move--decide to move
[David] Not sure
[James] I forgot. There's somebody else here.
[Elizabeth] Yeah! Gary!
[Elizabeth] Gary's in the corner-
[Zac] Okay. I'll rewind the recording.
[James] Let's do it's again, let's do it again
[Zac] We'll go back- We'll go back to the top. You want to do the Marigold-
[James] Yeah, back to the top. Back to the top!
[Zac] Well, you can probably use the intro, still. Marigold's intro's probably good.
[James] I- I think we should-
[Zac] Would you rather?
[James] Yeah, let's do it again. Let's do it again.
[Zac] Safety, safety
[James] Let me add in a line about Gary
[David] Third time
[James] I think when you guys all wake up, Gary's back
[James] and he's off in kind of like the the kitchen area and you guys see that he has some like hares, like some rabbits, that he's like skinned, and him and Vrixx are just like cooking away.
[Amanda] Okay, so they're awake cooking
[Elizabeth] Vasilisa wakes up briefly-
[James] Yeah, they're- they're awake cooking.
[Elizabeth] -yells [gasps as Vasilisa, exclaims] Azalea! [describes] and then passes out again
[Zac] Ohh...Yeah, it had to be rabbit, didn't it?
[Zac] Had to be skinning rabbits
[Amanda] So, uh, Marge wake up probably still at the table where she kind of just put her head down on the table and she will look at the piece of tarp in front of her. [as Marge] Oh, I completely forgot that I even started this. You know, I should probably finish. [describes] and then she picks up the charcoal pen and the- the goodberry juice, it kind of smushes the goodberry a little bit more to get some fresh juice out, and- and keeps working, and everybody else is asleep so nobody else really sees what it is yet. And she'll look o- [as Marge] Oh, Vrixx! Do you have any coffee?
[James, as Vrixx] Yeah, I can- I can- Yeah, I can make you some coffee.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, that would be wonderful. Thank you
[James, as Vrixx] I mean, it's kind of late, but...
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I don't think I'm going back to sleep any time soon.
[James, as Vrixx] Alright
[Amanda] and then she'll just keep working on her tarp.
[Elizabeth] I want to know what her tarp looks like
[James] I know!
[Zac] I'm sure we're gonna find out
[James] Bolka? Have we done Bolka, yet?
[Zac] Not really
[Zac] I mean, I just wanted to wake up and kind of like scan around everyone else
[Zac] and see who needs help. What- What- How- What's gotten better, what hasn't
[James] Yeah. Vasilisa is in the same spot she's been. I think you probably woke up as she was like just coming in and lying back down. Valdeen's on the floor; not sure what happened there. Uh, and Marge is- Marge is painting.
[Zac] I mean, obviously, I want to do a perception or heal check to see if Valdeen is alive
[James] Good- good choice, good choice.
[David] Are you doing that from across the room, or do you walk over to me?
[Zac] I don't wanna- I don't wanna poke him or anything. No, I want to walk over and at least look at him, like, see if his chest is moving. I got a 15.
[David] How- How close do you get to Valdeen?
[Zac] A couple feet. I- I'm leaving a couple feet.
[James] Are we talking about like ratfolk feet...? Are you....?
[Elizabeth and David laugh]
[Zac] I'm not getting in your face
[James] Vrixx feet? What's going on here?
[Amanda] So you're not gonna like put your face right next to his face to test his breathing? [laughs]
[Zac] No, I just want to look at it- I don't want to disturb him if he is resting.
[James] So, like, from--Yeah. So, like- like three or- three feet away?
[Zac] Three sounds great
[David] Okay. That's fine.
[Zac] He shoots me
[Elizabeth] That's... [laughs]
[David] That's fine
[James] I guess, well, if he's gonna do that, we should we should do initiative, so you're gonna be five feet away uh just because that's how that-
[Elizabeth] That's how the squares work
[James] -breaks down, yeah. That's how the squares are, so
[Elizabeth] Technically, you're in his square at three feet
[Zac] I'm five feet away and I'm leaning over
[James and David] Ahhhh
[Zac] Because he's on the ground, right?
[James] Yeah, yeah, yeah
[Zac] So there's- I'm still five feet away.
[David] You- you get close enough to tell if I'm breathing and you don't come any closer?
[David] Okay. That's fine for now.
[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]
[James] You're breathing, right?
[David] I'm still breathing
[James] Okay, cool. I wanted to make sure.
[Zac] As long as he's breathing, I want to let him rest.
[David] He's breathing and snoring
[Zac] Oh, yeah. If I can hear you, we're fine
[David] I'm quietly snoring
[Zac] Quietly snoring. It's a secret. It's a spy snore
[James, David and Elizabeth laugh]
[Elizabeth] I feel like every time the fire starts to die down past reasonable levels of roaring, Vasilisa just reaches out a hand and casts a fresh spark in the general direction of where she thinks the heat should be.
[Amanda] Oh, geez
[David] Oh no
[Zac] Should we roll to see if we all die?
[Zac] Because I feel like she-
[Amanda] catch the whole thing on fire
[Elizabeth] Must stay warm! Spark again!
[James] I think- I think you do that twice, and after a certain point like Kapa catches on and she's like 'oh shit' and they will make sure the fire is roaring at all times.
[Elizabeth] Roaring constantly [laughs]
[James] Yeah, we're not gonna- we're not gonna risk getting smoked out now.
[David] Oh boy
[Elizabeth] Just sayin'--I want to be warm!
[James] So, we're left with two of our players awake. We have Marge and we have Bolka. Um, Marge is the only one who's awake, Bolka. Actively awake doing stuff
[Zac] And she seems like she's being productive, and she's working on a project, right?
[Zac] Um, but, no. I want to prepare my spells for the day, and um... and Kapa is not awake?
[James] No, Kapa is awake
[Zac] Oh, Kapa is awake
[James] Yeah Kapa, Gary, uh, and Vrixx are up.
[Zac] So, I- and I also need to go talk to Kapa just a little bit
[Zac] uh and I would do that right before I prepare my spells.
[Elizabeth, sing-song] I wanna sleep through the bad news giving, yeah! [Amanda laughs, Elizabeth continues to sing] you get to tell her about Thora all by yourself!
[Zac] Oh, I wasn't going to mention that.
[David] Ohhh, no
[Elizabeth] Oh, shit
[Elizabeth] I was hoping that I wouldn't have to be there for that.
[Zac] So, before I prepare my spells, I would have to go over to Kapa and talk to her and uh I'm holding the ring. [as Bolka] I- I forgot, uh, yesterday; I meant to to give you back the ring for Hjalnek and you. I meant to give to you yesterday, but since then it has been used as like a symbol of, uh, tying me to these people and their quest. It has been used in some sort of ritual. I hope is okay with you if I- I- I keep- I keep ringing for longer?
[James, as Kapa] If- If you must. That is, uh, that is, yes. That- That is- That is fine. I have, uh, my boys, and they will always remind me of him, so that will be fine, Bolka. It is just an object, after all.
[Zac, as Bolka] Well, I- I- I appreciate that and, uh, I just- I- Your- Your wedding, it was one of the most beautiful that I had seen, and you know I still, I- I- I love you guys and- and the kids. You're very important to me.
[James, as Kapa] We love you too, Bolka. Do we know what the next steps are?
[Zac, as Bolka] I am going to go sit right over there. [describes] and he points [as Bolka] and I am going to try and prepare some spells that might possibly tell me what is going on or help everyone get back to normal again because, honestly, all of us--myself included--do seem very broken after this- this last event.
[James, as Kapa] That is understandable. Before you do, I- I know you did not find Thora, but do we- do we know what happened to her? Hatch told me some, but her spirit is being trapped in a doll? Do we- Do we know where the doll is? I- I am not as religious as you. Is- Is this spirit something we would be able to find and free? Or--
[Zac, as Bolka] Well, that is my final hope, is it- that it- that is still possible, but I do-- [Zac asks] Is there a check I should roll for that?
[James] You can do a check.
[Zac] I can do a check right now?
[James] You can do a check right now. Um, it would need to be an arcana or a religion check
[James] or spellcraft. I will do any three.
[Amanda] Roll good!
[Zac] and I have used all of my snowflakes, so...
[Amanda] Can I roll to aid?
[James] We passed a holiday! It was Valentine's Day. And I love you guys.
[James] You all should have snowflakes for that
[David] Thank you!
[James] Everyone gets a snowflake because I love you guys. So, you- you do have a snowflake if you want to use it.
[Zac] I really wanna--This check is important to me.
[James] Yeah, go for it.
[Zac exhales loudly]
[James] That was-
[Zac] I got a- Okay, I got a five and a four [Amanda exclaims, Zac continues] and a seven. That's a 16, which I know on spellcraft check, 16 is not good. [sighs]
[James] Not- not not good, yeah. Not good [Zac laughs, James continues] Uh, you know, from what you've heard, her soul is trapped. You do not know how to release it.
[Zac] Right. Or if it's even possible.
[James] Or if it's possible. But, you do know that her soul is not at rest.
[James] You know the bad news of it, which is: she's not at peace. Her soul is trapped somewhere; she has not moved on to the afterlife.
[Zac, sighs, says as Bolka] My plan is- is all I'm thinking about, is- is--we must make it to see if is possible, if there is something we can do for her. I do not know if- what the answer is, but I- I am determined to find out.
[James, as Kapa] I would hate to ask this of you, Bolka.
[Zac, as Bolka] No, anything.
[James, as Kapa] You are going to outlive me. That is just the case of who I am and who you are
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, understood
[James, as Kapa] I do not know how long it will take me to find the way out of Irrisen and go and find her in this Taldor, but if I don't make it, will you go and save her?
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes. That is my- my main... That is- I will do everything I can.
[James, as Kapa] Thank you.
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes. You are wonderful. There is nothing I would not do. [describes] He's gonna take the ring and he's gonna go prepare his spells, which involves an hour of him undoing the braids in his beard and taking the- the few rings out from the ceremonies he's performed, and then re-braiding and re-tying the rings in, and by the time he's done, he'll have meditated on his new spells for the day.
[James] Nice. Bolka is preparing his spells, Marge is is working on, uh, a painting. Vrixx comes over and he hands her off some coffee and a little plate of food that Gary has cooked. [as Gary] It is me, Gary. I have cooked some food. I am practicing using-
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, thank you so much!
[James, as Gary] -knives again, now that I do not have, uh, my phalanges. Um, but, uh [describes] and this is just all in, um, this is all in Skald
[Amanda] Right. Well, and Marge can understand a little bit of it.
[Elizabeth] She's, more and more, with each word they say
[Amanda] Skald is the language she took to learn, so she is catching-
[James] Catching little words here and there
[Amanda] Yeah. And then she she knows how to say 'thank you,' so she says 'thank you' in Skald to Gary
[James, as Gary] Oh, you are welcome! You are learning very
[Amanda] -for the food
[James, as Gary] You are learning very well, so far, uh, Miss Marge. Um, I will let you get back to your- your drawing, here. Let's see. What is this?
[Amanda] And he sees the side profile of like two rat faces
[Amanda] One of them with a stark white ear and one of them with white patches on the face.
[James, as Gary] Cool [describes] and walks away. Vasilisa, Valdeen: Do you guys wake up middle of the night, early morning?
[Elizabeth] So, I think Vasilisa wakes up like very early morning.
[Elizabeth] Like, somewhere probably like 3 a.m.
[James] 3 a.m. Cool.
[Elizabeth] She wakes up.
[James] I think, at one point in the night, when everything is- everyone's kind of like really dug in and sleeping, Gary is- is going around just like kind of tidying a couple things up and he goes over to the fire and he sets a new log in it. Um, and like what happens sometimes with fires, he sets like a nice hearty log in because he's like getting ready to go to sleep and he wants it to burn for a while, but the weight of the log kind of causes the current embers to like collapse, and there is somewhat of a pop that happens, like whenever you burn-
[Zac, softly] Fuck
[James] -juniper or something like that. it's just like--it's not, it's not absurdly loud, but it's uh [sound of log snapping on fire]
[David, as Valdeen] We gotta get out of here! That was- It was it- Wait! Where are they?
[David] Valdeen shoots up
[David] and his gun is drawn, pointing straight up in front of him. He's not- he's not necessarily like standing
[David] but it's pointing up, like-
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, Valdeen! Oh, it's- Oh, I think that was just a fire
[David, as Valdeen] Where-?
[James, as Gary] Oh, I- I am- I am sorry Mister Valdeen. I- I was just getting ready for bed and put a big log on the fire. Y- Are you-?
[David, as Valdeen] Where- Where am I?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, well, you know, we're back in the- the safe house.
[David, as Valdeen] Oh, yeah. Right. O-Okay. Uh...Um...
[Elizabeth] A very sleepy spark happens towards the log [magical sound effect, James chuckles]
[Amanda, as Marge] We're safe, now, ya know
[David, as Valdeen] Sorry. I- I don't know- don't know what came over me, uh [describes] he holsters his gun [as Valdeen] Uh, I didn't mean to wake everybody up. Sorry
[James, as Gary] Oh, I- I- I- Please, go back to sleep. Do you need food or anything? [describes] and he's like motioning like [as Gary] food, or do you need drink? Uh, blanky? Bed? [describes] And he motions over to like a nice sleeping mat.
[David, as Valdeen] Yeah, I'll- I'll lay on the mat
[James, as Gary] Oh, good, good
[David] and he goes over to the mat and lays down, and he's back asleep in less than a minute.
[James, as Gary] Alright, alright. I, um, uh--Marge? Are you okey-dokey?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, yes. Okey-dokey.
[James, as Gary] Uh, good, good. Uh, Bolka, are you good? I'm getting ready to turn in.
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes. I think I can- I can probably, uh, man the fort--watch- watch over things while you're asleep
[James, as Gary] Uh, good. Uh [describes] and you look over and Kapa is like asleep with her- her two little boys cuddled up against her. She's just like setting up and was like
[James] head leaned over and she's holding both her kids. and he's like [as Gary] If you- you need anything, uh, just come and wake me up. I will be happy to, uh, have- to help out in whatever way. I'm just [yawns, continues as Gary] uh, I'm a little bit tired, as well. I- I did not have as long a day as you all did, but it was- This has been a couple days, ah! [describes] and he holds up his hand missing all of the fingers
[Zac] Like as if he's holding up two fingers
[David and Elizabeth laugh]
[James] Yeah [as Gary, laughing] Is be like- I'm trying to defuse my misery with humor.
[Zac, as Bolka] No, I appreciate that. I appreciate the comedy!
[James, as Gary] Yeah. Good, good. Uh, well, uh, good night, uh, Mister Bolka
[Zac, as Bolka] and I appreciate you for, uh, for watching- watching over everyone while we were gone. Is very important.
[James, as Gary] Of course! It is the very least I can do after, uh, you- you've- you've spared my life and you've changed it and I- it is on a better course, now.
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes. We will get you back to your wife and your kids. Happier.
[James, as Gary] Yes, yes.
[James] and then it's just Bolka and Vrixx
[Amanda] and Marge
[James] and Marge.
[Amanda] Marge is gonna start looking around to see if, uh- She's gonna start looking around for something.
[James] Alright. Well, with that vague a thing, I can't tell you if you find it or not...
[Elizabeth and Amanda laugh]
[James] So, I guess use your judgment.
[Amanda] I think she's not gonna find what she's looking for, and she's- [as Marge] Uh, Bolka?
[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, yes?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I'm thinking I need to go outside. I- I'm- I'm ki- I'm looking for a nice straight stick.
[James, as Vrixx] Oh, I was gonna say, yeah, I got to go outside, too; but it's for, uh... I gotta shit.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh dear. Okay. Well, ya know. I-
[James, as Vrixx] I can help you find a stick afterwards, though.
[Amanda, as Marge] Okay. Uh, yeah, and I've got my cloak; it'll keep me warm. Um
[James, as Vrixx] I mean, unless- unless you want to go with Bolka and not me. Like, if you guys need to have a talk. I understand.
[Zac, as Bolka] Well, I did tell Gary that I would- I would watch over everyone while he was sleeping.
[James, as Vrixx] I mean, I can do that.
[Zac, as Bolka] But, you must- you must, uh, shit
[Amanda, as Marge] Not to trick them, though, too
[James, as Vrixx] I can hold it. I could go in that bucket over there. No one would notice.
[Amanda, as Marge] Doesn't it just disappear?
[James, as Vrixx] Yeah, it sublimates after a while. You know, when a solid just turns straight into a gas.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I never heard of anything like that before, but that must be handy.
[James, as Vrixx] It's pretty convenient, but, like, it smells pretty bad to me. Um...
[Amanda, as Marge] Well, I- I'm not even needin'- needin' anyone to go with me, but if somebody wanted to, ya know, the company might be nice.
[James] and Vrixx and Bolka look at each other
[Zac] We're just staring at each other
[Amanda, as Marge] Anyway, I'm going to head up. [describes] and Marge starts climbing. If somebody comes with her, they do, but she's gonna climb up
[James] and Vrixx just like- like, you see him go into his house, and hear him rummage around, and then he pulls out like a little scrap of paper and he's like [as Vrixx] Alright. I don't want you to watch. [describes] and he like goes over to the corner
[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]
[James] Goes over the corner
[Zac] Who's he talking to?
[Zac] Oh, no. I'm going with- I'm going with Marge
[James] Yeah, I know. He's like- He goes and he gets his toilet paper, and he's just like looks at you, and he's like [as Vrixx] Just- You sh- You should go. It's not pretty.
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes. No, I do not intend to bear witness
[David, laughing] Oh, wow
[James, as Vrixx] Alright
[James makes a small toot sound]
[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]
[James] That was a really bad fart sound.
[Elizabeth] I mean, it's a tiny little sprite
[Zac] It's a sprite fart! Sprite toot
[James] So, uh, Marge, you climb out of the burrow, and it's nice and dark. You look over and you see Marigold is set up under a nice little tarp tent, um, and she has some food there and a nice blanket on the ground that she's just kind of like laying down and just like, she raises her head as you-
[Amanda] I will go over and pet her on the head
[James, as Marigold, makes a contented sound]
[Amanda, as Marge] Okay, so I'm looking for, like, maybe, two feet tall, a nice straight thick stick that's not gonna bend. [describes] and she's gonna start walking around. Should I do a perception?
[James] Perception or survival. I will take either.
[James] You find two sticks like that
[Amanda] Oooo. And Marge is looking at her two sticks and she's like [as Marge] hmm... Which one would be better? You know, this one's kind of got a little sharp point at the end, and this one's like flat... [describes] and, uh, she'll pick one of the sticks and put the other one down and [as Marge] So, Bolka
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes?
[Amanda, as Marge] Where are you from, normally? I mean, have you always been in Waldsby?
[Zac, as Bolka] Um, no. But I've been in Irrisen my whole life, most all of my life.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, so you're used to this cold.
[Zac, as Bolka] If you can get used to it. I mean, yes, I guess I am used to the condition of being slightly miserable every day. Yeah, I don't think life was meant to, like, get used to this kind of col- not normal human...
[Amanda, as Marge] Well, you know, I wouldn't think so, but there are so many people here.
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes. It makes me wonder, like, if the people came here before the cold, or if the people came here in the cold and just chose to stay. But also, you must understand about Irrisen, is, like, many people not allowed to leave. There's plenty of people that wish they could leave.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, how do they keep them from leavin'? Or how do, you know, I guess the witches?
[Zac, as Bolka] Yes. It is mostly the witches. Well, for one, they do not have means. You know, they are- have so much taken from them, that they cannot afford to make such a long journey. But also, that, yes, if you do attempt to make the journey out of Irrisen, there will be repercussions for your family or, if you are caught, for yourself, and-
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, dear.
[James] And I think you would know, Bolka, like, one of the things that keeps people from leaving are chicken huts.
[Elizabeth] The sentinel huts
[Zac] Oh, the sentinels!
[James] The sentinel huts all around the borders with the guardians in them, and the guardians will actively go out and stop people from leaving.
[Zac, as Bolka] Yeah, sentinel is a word, uh, meaning, uh, like, watcher? Someone who- Something who- To watch out for, yeah, for people trying to escape, I guess.
[Amanda, as Marge] My goodness. Uh, um, that's so strange because we heard that there was one of those type of things back in Taldor before we came through the portal. Have you ever known them to go into other countries?
[Zac, as Bolka] Not that far away, but I think that is because of, uh, portal; because of of magic.
[Amanda, as Marge] Hmm
[Zac, as Bolka] It must have traveled same way that like Vrixx and all the nasty fey made it to your country because otherwise it's a long trip, it's like a thousand miles almost; is very far.
[Amanda, as Marge] Dear. It's kind of sad, ya know? It makes me miss my Norm. He always made me laugh and- and brought a smile to our faces whenever we were in a dark place.
[Zac, as Bolka] He sounds lovely. That- He a ratfolk also?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, yes. I think you would have liked him.
[Zac, as Bolka] The ratfolk that I have met have been very sweet people.
[Amanda, as Marge] Yeah, with Kapa, I was really surprised when I saw Kapa. She looks just like another rat I knew. Long time ago.
[Zac, as Bolka] Another good one?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, yes. There's- There's a good amount of us out there. All of my kiddos, ya know, are all good ratfolk.
[Zac, as Bolka] Well, I hope they're doing well.
[Amanda, as Marge] Me, too.
[Zac, as Bolka] Back in...
[Amanda, as Marge] and I- I don't know if I'm ever gonna see 'em again.
[Zac, as Bolka] I have to go there, anyway, because I have to go check on Thora and see if there's anything we can do.
[Amanda, as Marge] Yeah, I think it's gonna be a long time before we go back to Taldor because we got to help Baba Yaga, ya know.
[Zac, as Bolka] You're helping Baba Yaga?
[James] She says that and you feel it and you're like 'I do need to. Wait, why do I need to?'
[Zac] Why? Baba Yaga?
[James] 'Wait, what do you mean, save Baba Yaga?!'
[Zac, as Bolka] You're asking about the winter, and- and how how hard the winter is-- you know Baba Yaga is like queen of- of all winter witches?
[Amanda, as Marge] Yeah, it wasn't somethin' that we were expecting, ya know, when we came across the- the Black Rider and, uh, ended up, well, taking on his, uh, his mantle, I suppose, if you want to call it that.
[Zac, as Bolka] So, this whole--the thing that happened with- with the ghost of your husband and my ring--that is all the same, uh, is it- is it curse? Or quest?
[Amanda, as Marge] Well, you know, I'm not exactly sure what happened with- with Normie, there. Um. But it did look like he was maybe passing on his responsibilities to you, I think. I think.
[Zac, as Bolka] and the responsibility to Baba Yaga?
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, yes! Uh, because, ya know, um, from what it sounds like, that she's, ya know, bein' held somewhere, not able to- to stop the the current queen? Because she's- she's trying to take over the world and make it all winter, just like Irrisen. And- and Baba Yaga was gonna stop her and put a new queen into place, but now she can't because she's stuck. So, we've gotta go save Baba Yaga so she can stop Elvanna and- and bring in a new queen. I don't know if that's gonna help anybody in Irrisen, to be honest, because it seems like, no matter who the queen is, you guys are all stuck. I mean, once we...
[Zac, as Bolka] Because I'm part of this now, I am- I am supposed to help the White Queen, who wants to keep oppression in Irrisen, because she also wants to keep it from spreading beyond Irrisen? Is- Is- Am I understanding what you're saying?
[Amanda, as Marge] Well, that kind of seems like the lesser of two evils at the moment.
[Zac, as Bolka] Yeah, I suppose...
[Amanda, as Marge] I just know that, from what I understand, that Vasilisa told us after we- we took the Black Rider's oath, if that we don't try to help Baba Yaga, it could actually hurt us.
[Zac, as Bolka] O-kay...
[Amanda, as Marge] I had no idea you were gonna get pulled into this. I'm so sorry, dear. Ya know, I thought it was just gonna be us.
[Zac, as Bolka] No, it just- It all happened so fast, and...
[Amanda, as Marge] That's- That's for sure. But I have my stick; we can- we can go back where it's warm. I'm sure you're cold.
[Elizabeth] Back in the hidey-hole, is it 3 a.m., yet?
[Elizabeth] Okay. Vasilisa wakes up, notices that she's in a hidey-hole next to a fire. [as Vasilisa] How did we get here?
[James, as Vrixx] Oh, hey. You're up.
[Elizabeth] Sits up
[James] And Hatch [as Hatch] Uh, hmm, um [clears throat] Hey. Um, you guys were in the forest and, uh, you walked a long time, and you were awake for a long time-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] What?
[James, as Hatch] and you guys started getting really, really freaked out and weird...
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No. Where is everyone?
[James, as Hatch] Uh, well, there's Valdeen-
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay. Uh-huh. Valdeen's there. Where is- Where is Marge?
[James, as Vrixx] Um, um, hi. Uh, Marge and Bolka are up, uh- uh, outside
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Are they okay?
[James, as Vrixx] Yeah; they're finding some sticks
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] How do you know they are okay? Who last saw them? When?
[Zac] As Vrixx is wiping his butt
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Where are they?
[James, as Vrixx] I- I saw them. Uh, we're in the hidey-hole. You guys are safe.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] This does not- Why should I trust we are safe? I should- Where- Where is my donkey?
[James] And she is loudly exclaiming this
[Elizabeth] Vasilisa is not quiet
[James] And- and I think, um, Kapa and Gary are roused a little bit
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Valdeen! Valdeen, wake up! Where is Marge and Bolka and Marigold?
[Zac] Oh, god
[Zac] Ohhh, Elizabeth
[Elizabeth, laughing] I'm sorry. I mean-
[James] Valdeen, what happens?
[David] Valdeen jumps out of bed. [as Valdeen] Where- Where'd they go? I'll get them! [describes] and he pulls his gun
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] How did get here and where is the rest of the group?
[David] And he starts- He starts- He doesn't even listen to you- He starts heading toward the exit to go out.
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Good. Good idea. I shall watch these people in here.
[David, as Valdeen] Wh- Where am I looking? Wait, what am I looking for? What am I-?
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] We are looking for Marge and Bolka, and also Marigold. What has happened?
[David, as Valdeen] Okay
[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] How did we get here?
[David] Valdeen goes outside.
[Zac] He sees all three of us
[James, laughing] Yeah
[Zac] And just, 'hi!' [laughs]
[David] His gun is still drawn and he climbs up-
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, Valdeen! Oh, we were just talkin'-
[David, as Valdeen] Vasilisa said to come get ya.
[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, w- well, ya know, can ya put the gun away?
[James] And as Valdeen holds Marge and Bolka at gunpoint [Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]
[Zac, laughing] Oh, god
[James continues, transitioning into his announcer/narrator voice] -insisting they follow him back into the hidey-hole, we find our heroes, 3 a.m., well rested?
[Music: Closing theme begins to play ("Press Start" by MDK Music)]
[James] I guess we'll have to see what the repercussions of this are going to be next episode!
[David] Oh, boy
[Zac] We're all going [unintelligible]
[James] ...pointing your gun at them. 'Come inside!'
[David] I was told to come find you
[Zac] Get in here, now!
[David] Oh, Valdeen
[Elizabeth] My memory's patchy! I wake up... I fell asleep not remembering anything else-
[Amanda] That's true
[Elizabeth] -and then I woke up not remembering the part where I didn't remember anything
[Elizabeth] And it's just a weird gap, and I don't know what's happening
[David] Vasilisa is loudly saying these things
[James] Stay tuned for a promo from our friends over at Hex Grid Heroes. Did you know we have limited edition merch? Every three months, we will be releasing a design on our Teespring. The current design is some promotional material for a public service announcement:
[James, as though speaking via an old-timey radio] We here at The Dimension Door Podcast would like to remind you to practice consensual wanding! Every party member needs a good heal now and then, so practice consensual wanding! Brought to you by Mage Hand Soap: Clean where you can't see!
[James] Head over to our Teespring and check out the amazing design by Nikki Dee. Also make sure you check out InvictusCon 2021 this weekend. There will be panels, games, and even an artist alley. Everything starts Friday, March 26th. Links to all of this and more can be found in the description. Thanks as always to our executive producers, David Lester and Callie Rose. All of our editing and music was done by the ever-so-wonderful Zac Kreitler. Our bumper tracks are from MDK Music and we use spell effects from Syrinscape.
[Hex Grid Heroes promo plays]