[James] Give me damage. Give me that sweet dam-o-geez

[David] Damage is gonna be 11 damage.

[James] You see her just like take the bullet and she goes, like, flies a little back, and she goes to the side and falls next to the mirror.

[David] Okay. Then I go ahead and move forward up to where Marge is, like right next to Marge.

[James] Perfect. So uh you run across the table and you stand next to Marge and you guys are at eye level with each other for the first time ever, uh-

[Amanda, David, and Elizabeth laugh]

[Amanda, as Marge] Hey, Valdeen!

[David, as Valdeen] You look different from this height, Marge

[Elizabeth, mimicking Marge's voice] Oh, you've got nice eyes!

[James] Hatch's turn! Hatch, the cute little domovoi. Hatch is going to move through the portal. Pops through the portal, lands next to Bolka: [as Hatch] Uh, hey, what are we doing?

[Zac, as Bolka, whispering] Be cool, be cool

[James, as Hatch] Okay

[David laughs]

[James] You guys are out of combat. Marge, what do you do?

[Amanda] Now that I see everyone's down, I'm going to walk over to Ghost and-

[Zac] re-mount

[Amanda] -from on top of the table, jump back on Ghost's back. Do I need to roll a ride?

[James] No.

[Amanda] Okay.

[Zac] You just do that because it's awesome.

[David] Yeah, yeah

[Zac laughs]

[James] You just walk onto Ghost, that's fine.

[David] That's amazing.

[Elizabeth] I'm going to coup de grace Herstig now.

[James] Cool

[Zac] Nice

[Elizabeth] I have a dagger in my hand; I'm ready.

[James] You kill her.

[Zac chuckles]

[Elizabeth] I shall search her body

[James] There's- there's no- She's- she's way past zero, yeah, I mean, even if she passes her fortitude, you still do damage and it kills her

[Elizabeth] Dope

[James] She was at like one

[Elizabeth] Cool

[James] Um- bum-bum-bum, bu-bu-bu-bum-bum-bum! Bolka!

[Zac] Um, Bolka is going to dispel his halo.

[James, as Hatch] Umm, cool, be cool, alright, okay, yeah, be cool, be cool. Now what?

[Zac] and he's gonna shout at everyone: [as Bolka] Men! Men! The tower- the tower is- is under attack from the top! Uh, Herstig has- has fallen! Radosek has fallen! I do not know where, uh, Vasilliovna is! I- I do not know- ! The tower, I think, is cracking and coming down! You must- you must evacuate, now! [describes] and then I start to head for, like, make it look like I'm heading for an exit.

[James] Give me diplomacy? Intimidate? What do you want to call this?

[Zac] I'd like it to be diplomacy because I'm-

[James] That's fine, yeah

[Zac] I didn't really lie?

[James] You didn't lie

[Zac] I mean, the tower is not really-

[James] I mean, I'm not going to make you do a- [pause] I could make you do a bluff check

[Zac] because-

[Elizabeth] I mean, the tower isn't coming down, he's not fully ingenuous

[James] You're trying to persuade them to leave, you're lying about it-

[Zac] I mean, metaphorically- metaphorically...

[Elizabeth laughs]

[James] -but also you're trying to intimidate them into leaving because it's dangerous.

[Zac] Well, I don't want to intimidate them; I want them to feel like I'm helpful. I don't want to help- I'm not trying to scare them, necessarily

[James] That's fair. Give me- give me bluff or diplomacy. I'm happy with either.

[sound of die rolling]

[Zac] 23 diplomacy.

[David] Ooh!

[James, as a guard] Oh, wait a minute, who are you?

[Zac, as Bolka] I- I am from Waldsby! It is not im- it is not important!

[James, as a different guard] Oh, he is from Waldsby; I was with guards, we went there, he killed the fireball! I told you about-

[James, as first guard] Oh, yeah, the fireball guy.

[Amanda and David laugh]

[James, as second guard] Yeah, he's the fireball guy; we should listen to him.

[more laughter, Elizabeth joining in laughing]

[James] ... A lot of bad accents happening right now

[Zac] I don't care: I love it

[James, as first guard] Oh, okay. Let me grab my kitten

[Amanda and Zac laugh]

[David] Oh, no, there's a kitten

[Amanda, mimicking the first guard's voice] Life's like a box of chocolates

[James, as second guard] Yeah, good idea, let us grab all of the- the puppies and the kittens

[laughter]

[Zac] Alright, is this in the book? I need you to show me in the book.

[David] Why?

[James] And you see- you see them go over and they pick up a box that says 'puppies and kitties' and it's full of like daggers and shit.

[Zac] Oh

[David] Oh, okay, okay

[James] No, I'm shittin' ya. Alright, ah, they- that- everyone starts to move out.

[Zac, as Bolka] Yes, yes, good. Orderly fashion, orderly fashion is good. It's not safe. It's not safe in here.

[James] Yeah, cool. They- they start to hustle.

[Amanda] Nice

[James] What's going on upstairs?

[Elizabeth] I'm searching Herstig's body

[David] and I will search the doppelganger

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, I hope Bolka isn't doing anything stupid downstairs.

[Zac laughs]

[David, as Valdeen, makes a sound of assent]

[Amanda, as Marge] You know, we should go downstairs and keep headin' out!

[Zac] It's a matter of opinion, I suppose [laughs]

[Elizabeth, responding to Marge as Vasilisa] Probably, but I'm a little worried and I should just--okay, let's see if these people have anything upon them.

[David, as Valdeen] Real quick, check for some valuable items and we'll move on.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh- Oh, geez

[Amanda, as Marge] Let's be quick!

[David, as Valdeen] Yep. Yeah, just take a moment.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, dermo, this is just not a great situation, you know?

[David, as Valdeen] Ah, he seems to know what he's doing, I hope

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] There's a troll down there, you know? Remember? The troll?

[David, as Valdeen] Well, I doubt he's gonna just go running to the troll and say 'hey, attack me!'

[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, hurry up! Check the bodies, you guys. Come on!

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I don't know, have you seen Bolka lately? He seems real touchy.

[James] Okay, yeah-

[Zac laughs]

[James] Vasilisa, you start to go through Herstig's stuff on her body. You find a masterwork great sword, a masterwork throwing axe, a magical cloak, and two keys. One of them is a regular key, the other one is a magical uh teleporter key.

[Amanda and David] Ohh

[James] uh that's what you find on her. And uh on the doppelganger, you find uh some pretty clothes.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Valdeen, if you want to put these, like, masterwork weapons into that bag that is on- of holding, I shall-

[David, as Valdeen] Sure, sure, toss them in [describes] I hold it open

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] -identify this cloak.

[James] Hatch comes through the portal.

[Amanda] Just, that is- that is on my person, by the way, the bag of holding.

[David] Oh, I thought I had it.

[James] he's like [as Hatch] Uh, everyone just chill.

[Amanda] Nope, I've got- I've got it

[David] okay [chuckles]

[Amanda] with the- with the silver uh uh bars and wands-

[James, as Hatch, clears throat] Excuse me

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes, Hatch, what is it?

[James, as Hatch] Just chill here for a-

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] We're chilling?

[James, as Hatch] Yeah, chill here for a minute.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Why are we chilling, Hatch?

[James, as Hatch] Because Bolka's getting rid of the guards.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Ugh, what is Bolka doing now?

[James, as Hatch] Hmm, telling them the tower's collapsing.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] What?!

[James, as Hatch] They're running for their lives, it's great.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] They're going to figure it out when the tower does not collapse. He knows that, right?

[David, as Valdeen] Oh! Well, right

[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, you know, they don't know that, yet, but at least they're out of our way for the next section, for the next area.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, dermo, this is such a mess. I shall just identify this cloak, which is a 24 for my spellcraft

[James, in Hatch's voice] Uh, it's a cloak of resistance +1.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, gee, thanks. I'm wearing one right now; you're right, I should have just recognized it.

[James, as Hatch] Oh, yeah, I forgot about that, thank you.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Who needs some resistance right now? Who needs it?

[David, as Valdeen] We- we can probably figure that out-

[James, as Hatch] Hold on, I'll go tell him [describes] and Hatch goes back through the portal [as Hatch] uh [describes] he's invisible [as Hatch] Uh, Bolka?

[Zac, as Bolka] Yes

[James, as Hatch] Uh, they- they think that everyone's gonna figure out your lie when they see the tower doesn't collapse.

[Zac, as Bolka] Okay. Tell them to collapse the tower, then.

[James, as Hatch] Okay

[Elizabeth, Amanda, and David laugh]

[Amanda] Alright, Valdeen, start shootin'!

[James, as Hatch] Uh, hey guys, uh, it's me, Hatch. I'm back. I went through the teleporter again-

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Ah, goodness, what-

[James, as Hatch] Uh, Bolka says, 'oh, shit, you're right, uh, quick! Collapse the tower.'

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] That's not a thing which we can just- oh, dermo

[James, as Hatch] Okay, hold on.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Son of a cyka

[James, as Hatch] Uh, hey, Bolka. Um

[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, Hatch!

[James, as Hatch] They- they say they can't do that. They don't know how.

[Zac, as Bolka] Oh. Have they tried being creative?

[Amanda laughs]

[David] No. No. Mm-mm

[Zac laughs]

[James, as Hatch] Hold on. Hey guys, it's me, Hatch. Bolka says try harder.

[more laughter]

[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I think we- we just need to go down.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] O-kay, okay!

[Amanda, as Marge] Let's just go down the portal.

[David, as Valdeen] What-

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay, first off: Is anyone not wearing a magical shoulder slot item?

[James] Hatch and Vrixx raise their hands.

[Amanda] Well, Valdeen shouldn't be wearing a shoulder one, either, cause those-

[James] He has muleback cords

[David, as Valdeen] I have some- that already takes up that slot.

[Amanda] Ah, the muleback cords

[David, as Valdeen] I can't fit anything else

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] anyone else?

[Amanda] and I've got the yeti cloak, so I'm fine

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay, is Bolka wearing a magical cloak? If I remember my memory-

[Amanda] can we drape it over Ghost?

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I'm picturing Bolka in my head

[James, as Hatch] Hey, hey, um, Bolka? Bolka, do you have a-

[Zac, as Bolka] yes, Hatch?

[James, as Hatch] -magic cloak on?

[Zac, as Bolka] Uh, it's- it is a resistance +1? Is that? I think that's- that's fairly common-

[Amanda, laughs] They're fairly common

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay, fine. Hatch.

[James, as Hatch] Yeah?

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Wear this cloak, okay?

[James, as Hatch] Okay.

[Elizabeth, in Vasilisa's voice, describes] I put the cloak upon- I hold it out because Hatch is invisible. [as Vasilisa] Put it on!

[James, as Hatch] Alright.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Do it!

[Zac makes the Zelda da-da-da-da! puzzle solved/secret sound]

[James] It is the size of three of him.

[laughter]

[Elizabeth, still in Vasilisa's voice] I know, but it resizes because it's a magical item. We established this with yeti cloak.

[James, as Hatch] Oh, wow! How do I look? I've never worn clothes before

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] You're invisible, Hatch! What do you expect me to say?

[James, as Hatch] Um, pretty? But, fine.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Look, I'm sure you're pretty if I could see you, but I can't see invisible fey, okay?

[David, as Valdeen] How long are we waiting [indiscernible] here?

[Amanda, as Marge] Yeah

[James] You guys don't hear a response. [as Hatch] Bolka, do you think I'm pretty?

[laughter]

[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, yes, of course!

[Amanda, as Marge] Alright, let's go! Let's go!

[Zac, as Bolka] your hair is lovely and that's kind of like all your whole thing, that's all you are

[James] I hope you have fun editing this part

[David] oh yeah

[James] because I'm excited to hear it

[Amanda] Marge, on the back of Ghost, is going to go through the portal.

[James] Cool.

[Amanda] She's- she's ready.

[David] Valdeen steps in behind you and follows you through.

[James] Cool.

[Elizabeth] Vasilisa follows at the rear. I am fully- I'm in the rear, please.

[laughter]

[Zac] Are the guards gone, when they come through?

[James] Yeah, they left.

[Zac] Enough time passed?

[James] Yeah, they- they grabbed a couple things and they hustled out.

[Zac] Now, we have like our secret back way out of here with the uh the vine and the rope, right?

[James] mhm

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No! I need Marigold, Bolka! No!

[Zac, as Bolka] But she would be downstairs

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I need to go into the courtyard, please, Bo- I need my donkey [she sniffs sadly]

[Zac, as Bolka] Yes, no; I agree. We should find- we should find Marigold.

[Amanda, as Marge] Hatch is invisible, maybe Hatch should go find, uh-

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Moya- moya donkey is just not safe

[Amanda, as Marge] Yes, Hatch is invisible; he should go find Marigold and see where she's at!

[Zac, as Bolka] Hatch could just untie Marigold and bring her to us

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Hatch!

[James, as Hatch] Yeah.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Hatch!

[James, as Hatch] What's up?

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Can you go get my donkey for me?

[James, as Hatch] Alright

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No, but then how do we get out? Donkey can't climb down walls.

[Zac, as Bolka] No, but donkey should be on ground floor, yes? At stables.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Yes, where the troll is and the dragon statue.

[Zac, as Bolka] Oh, but in all the confusion and mishigas that- they should be able to- just a donkey should walk by unnoticed, you'd think

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, ye- but, how? Outside? Hatch, Hatch, are there any really valuable things on this floor of the tower which we should definitely grab? [Zac, as Bolka, sighs; Vasilisa continues] Second, but way more important, can you lead a donkey? She is the bestest of donkeys, but also not exactly well-trained. Can you lead her maybe out of the tower to meet us next to my beanstalk? You are definitely most handsome in that cloak. I- it's just that you do not need the cloak to make you more beautiful because you are so naturally beautiful.

[David, as Valdeen] Are you trying to butter up Hatch, now?

​

[Amanda, as Marge] He's invisible!

[David, as Valdeen] What are you doing?

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Shh! He is a good house spirit, the best I've ever met, and he can definitely save my donkey. Please.

[David] You're trying to butter up the DM is what you're trying to do. This is, it's not-

[Amanda laughs]

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Hatch: Hatch, I just need you to save my ass for me, please.

[Zac, Amanda, and David laugh]

[Amanda, laughing] Oh, god

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa, sniffling] She's a good ass.

[David continues to laugh]

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] The best, even.

[Zac] Does- Does Hatch realize this thinly-veiled attempt at- at persuasion?

[Elizabeth, in Vasilisa's voice] I have a plus two to a Charisma check if you need me to roll-

[James] I mean, he- he might if he were still here.

[Zac] Ohh

[Elizabeth] Oh, no, Hatch!

[Amanda] Oh!

[David, laughing] He- He already left to go save the donkey.

[James] You said- you said 'go save my donkey'

[David] Yeah

[James] and he said [as Hatch] Okay [describes] and then he left!

[David] He's gone. You've been talking to the air.

[Elizabeth] I'm just ta- Well, he's invisible! I don't know

[Zac, as Bolka] Because your hair is so beautiful...

[James] He's invisible. Yeah, that's why I didn't say he left!

[Elizabeth] I'm just standing there, talking

[James] You're just standing there

[Elizabeth] hoping

[James] keep talking to keep trying to butter him up

[Zac] and there's just like this long pause

[James] and you don't hear any response. Yeah, I have to- I have to-

[David] Oh boy

[James] -figure some stuff out. Hold on. Because Hatch went to go do what you told him because he likes you.

[Elizabeth, laughing] Shit. Okay.

[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, you know, we don't want to, you know, have to deal with that water elemental; we should just keep going.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh, wait-

[David, as Valdeen] Yeah, we should-

[James] You guys look over at the fountain and there's a water elemental like doing the head thing again.

[Zac] mhmm

[James] just like waves at you guys.

[David] I wave at it

[Amanda, as Marge, and Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Hello

[David] Valdeen waves at it [as Valdeen] Hi

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I appreciate what you do here

[Zac] and she casts spark

[Amanda and David laugh]

[Elizabeth] and Vasilisa gives a thumbs up [as Vasilisa] I remember the thing which I was told by Hatch, which is to not cast the fire spells.

[Zac, as Bolka, mimicking Vasilisa] to not be me

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] but I have so many burning hands prepared, I just want to [makes a burning sound], you know? Do you ever just feel that urge inside like flames?

[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, I totally get it! Yeah

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Flames. [Amanda laughs, Vasilisa continues] Oh, I've seen, Marge! You are definitely more impulsive than before.

[Zac] This episode's gonna be Exhibit A in Elizabeth's arson trial

[Amanda and David laugh]

[Zac continues] 'Do you ever just feel like the need for the flames?'

[Elizabeth] Flames- flames on the side of my face!

[Zac] Burning! B-burning my face!

[David] Burning! Face!

[Zac] F-f-f- flames!

[David] Flames

[Zac, very softly] What happens?

[James makes whistling wind sounds]

[James, as Hatch] Hey, um, she wouldn't listen to me, but uh you can go get her. Everyone's gone.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh? Really?

[James, as Hatch] Yeah

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Everyone is gone? Including the troll?

[James, as Hatch] Yeah, all the guards. All the guards. Yeah, the troll was trying to get her to move, but she was scared of him

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Good

[James, as Hatch] So she would, like, pull back

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] She's a sensible donkey

[James, as Hatch] And the troll wasn't strong enough, and the troll was like grrrr--I don't speak Giant, that's what trolls speak--so the troll just left with everyone else after a little bit. So, it's like- it's open, but like, but she- she doesn't know me, so-

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I'm gonna go, okay

[James, as Hatch] I tried

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Everybody, uh-

[James, as Hatch] I tried to tell her that she was a good donkey and that she was pretty because that's- that's what I-

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] She mostly speaks Taldane, unfortunately

[James, as Hatch] -that's what I like to be told. [clears his throat]

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No, I call her that all the time; she has a beautiful-

[James, as Hatch] But, uh-

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Here, Hatch, let me-

[Zac, as Bolka] You're gorgeous, Hatch

[James, as Hatch] Thank you

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Let me speak- let me teach you a phrase in Taldane Common

[Amanda, as Marge] Well, we should go right now, though, you know. On the way you can talk.

[David, as Valdeen] Tea- Yeah, teach as we walk

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay, I'll teach him later

[David, as Valdeen] Teach as we walk

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I was just going to teach him how to say, 'my, you are a beautiful donkey!'

[Amanda, as Marge] I don't know how long the guys are going to be gone for! We- we gotta get going now!

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Well, I'm gonna go get Marigold, okay? Let's go

[Amanda, as Marge] Okay, let's all go together.

[David, as Valdeen] yeah

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Good idea!

[David, as Valdeen] Let's go

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I shall- ah, okay. I go.

[James] You go.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Marigold! [describes] I call out into the courtyard [as Vasilisa] Marigold! My beautiful donkey!

[Amanda, as Marge] Oh, shush!

[Zac] I want to do like crazy perception checks everywhere to see if there's anything looking at us

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Hatch said everyone was gone. Marigold!

[David] I'd like to do a perception check, too

[Amanda] Marge will be doing the same.

[James] Yeah, give me- give me those checks as you guys exit the tower, not from whence you came. You pass by two statues of naked hot ladies again, made of ice of course, and you walk through the big double doors that're beset with spikes pointing outward um and you guys enter the courtyard for the first and last time

[David] Oh boy

[Elizabeth] Oh shit

[James] before you die.

[Elizabeth laughs]

[James] I'm just assuming you're never coming back here and so you'll be dead, um, but you guys- you enter the courtyard and you guys see this like large ice dragon sculpture just sitting on a plinth in the center with spikes kind of um gyrating out from the plinth

[Elizabeth] Gyrating? [laughs]

[James] Yeah, they look very phallic

[David] Jutting? Jutting. Jutting

[James] Jutting, there we go, yeah, yeah

[Elizabeth] Jutting! There we go. I was like, whoa

[Amanda laughs]

[James] in kind of like a five-pointed star pattern out from the plinth

[Elizabeth] And we all start gyrating

[laughter]

[Zac] Is a plinth- I don't know what a plinth- Is a plinth like a stripper pole? Or what is-?

[James] A plinth is like a big brick.

[Elizabeth] Pedestal

[James] That's stuck- pedestal, yeah

[David] Like a dais?

[Elizabeth] Like a large pedestal

[James] Yeah. Uh, and you guys look around and you see multiple stables. You see uh areas of the stables that are just open and there's like-

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Marigold!

[James] -there's no one here except for in one of the stables, you see Marigold.

[Elizabeth] Does she have her full saddle bags and everything?

[James] No.

[Elizabeth] She's naked?!

[James] Yes.

[Elizabeth, gasping, as Vasilisa] Marigold, where did you put my stuff?

[Amanda] Ghost got a 20 and Marge got a 28 for perception.

[Elizabeth] I can't speak donkey- oh, I got a 22, actually.

[David] 25 for Valdeen on perception.

[Zac] 11

[James] Cool, yeah, you guys look around. Um, you see a couple different things: you see most of the kennels themselves are empty, you see one kennel next to Marigold that has like all of her shit just kind of like laid out

[Amanda] sweet

[James] You can see that they were looking through it.

[David] Ah

[James] Um, and then you see another um kennel that is kind of like there's kind of a big blanket with like hay underneath it; it's kind of weird, but there looks like there might be some shit stacked away in there because it's all lumpy.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] If everyone wants to check lumpy blanket, I need someone to help me please to reload my Marigold.

[David, as Valdeen] I'll check the lumpy blanket [describes] so I head over to that [as Valdeen] Bolka, you wanna give me a hand?

[Elizabeth] I'm gonna immediately check Marigold's stuff because i really want to make sure my Harrow kit is in there.

[Amanda] Marge and Ghost will follow Vasilisa

[Elizabeth] please

[James] Cool.

[Elizabeth] Harrow mat, Harrow box, are you in there?

[James] Yeah, all your shit's there

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Everybody, please help me. Marge, will you help me put this on Marigold?

[Amanda, as Marge] Well, I'm tall enough, now, I can help ya, sure

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay

[James, as Marigold] hee-haw! hee-haw! [brays]

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Marigold, are you okay?

[Amanda, as Marge, hushes] Oh, Marigold, hush! Hush!

[James] Marigold like trots as quickly as she can and just like nuzzles you and you're like over looking at your stuff

[Elizabeth] I give her a big ol' hug [as Vasilisa] Oh, Marigold! Yes

[James] but she's just like still nuzzling and like nibbling on your ear a little bit

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I love you, too

[Zac] Ow!

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] It's good to see you! Here, have a pat. Oh, have some beans.

[James makes a contented hee-haw sound and some munching noises]

[Elizabeth] I give her some magical beans from my beanstalk. [as Vasilisa] Oh, Marigold! Sorry, everybody, you can do things, too; I am busy feeding my donkey

[everyone laughs]

[Zac, as Bolka] Yeah, because I will- I will stand by because we do not know what is under there, I will stand, ready [describes] so you can- you remove the blanket, and I'll be-

[David] Alright. Let's take a look. What's- What do we see? What's there?

[Zac] holding my mace

[James] You- you, uh, 500 gold.

[David] So there's 10 gold, guys!

[laughter]

[Zac, as Bolka] It looks funny, it looks like so much more

[David] It's just, it's 500 gold, really?

[James] That's a- it- there's a bunch of lumpy gold underneath the blanket in the hay.

[David] What?

[Amanda, as Marge] Well, I've got the bag of holdin', so ya know, if you need to- to put it somewhere-

[David] Alright, we- we take the gold. Lumpy-

[James] Cool

[David] Lumpy gold, that's weird

[James] Good

[David] That's weird that there's lumpy gold.

[James] Good job getting the lumpy gold.

[Elizabeth] It's not cursed gold, right?

[David] I don't know

[James] You don't know

[Amanda] Are you able to carry- oh yeah, we each have our own little gold sack, too, so you can-

[David] We do, yeah

[Amanda] -instead of using the bag of holding, you can put it in your own little bag of gold.

[David, as Valdeen] Yeah, we'll- we'll count this and divide it up later. Let's just get- let's just take it and go.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh yeah. We always trust what Valdeen says about amounts of money.

[David, as Valdeen] Of course we do! Why would we not?

[Amanda laughs]

[James] So you guys have that--you look over, the front gates are open.

[Zac] and they seem uh deserted?

[James] You don't see anybody.

[Zac, as Bolka] But where did everybody-?

[James] You don't hear anybody with your guys' perception checks, either.

[David] Wow.

[Zac, as Bolka] No, but should we try and go out back way with-?

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] No- what back way? There-

[David, as Valdeen] No, let's just- let's just go!

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] There is only gate. We have a donkey, cannot scale walls.

[David, as Valdeen] If- if it's clear, Bolka, let's just- let's just go.

[Amanda, as Marge] Yeah, we gotta get back to Sara, let her know about her little girl.

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Oh shit. Wait, did you say Sara?

[David, as Valdeen] I'm not looking forward to that conversation.

[Amanda, as Marge] I meant- Kapa. Kapa. We got to go to Kapa

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] I mean, it's kind of the same thing if you translate, but also there was an interesting slip of tongue right there.

[Amanda, as Marge] Hm

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Okay, we have Marigold back and re-laden [James makes a hee-haw sound, Elizabeth continues] and I am giving her some pats and some beans and we are ready to go.

[David] as we get toward the actual front entrance

[Amanda] Yes

[David] I want to like pause, I can like put a hand up like hold it everybody, let's look around

[Amanda] Another perception

[Zac] Yeah

[Amanda] Absolutely

[David, as Valdeen] Bolka, take a look. See if you can see anything.

[James] Questions I have for you all:

[Elizabeth] shit

[Amanda] no

[David] no

[Elizabeth] okay, yes

[James] so, where are you rolling perceptions from? Where are you looking?

[Amanda] From the front gate

[David] We all got to the front gate, like we moved over to the front gate

[James] You all walked to the front gate?

[David] yeah

[James] stand in the front gate and look out?

[David] Look- before the front gate, like, we would- well, yes -ish

[Elizabeth] I'm letting Valdeen go ahead and peek out because I'm distracted by giving Marigold lots of loves

[Amanda] and Marge is in the front with Valdeen. We're- We're seeing if there's anybody that we can see waiting because we didn't hear anybody

[David] Right

[Amanda] -but also we want to before we just come running out the front gate want to make sure that we see if there's anybody there before we run into-

​

[David] So, Bolka, Marge and Valdeen all kind of said, let's look out front before we just charge out the front door.

[Zac] Yeah

[David] We all kind of, we moved carefully

[Zac] In fact, we- are we also stealthing? I kind of feel like, as we get closer to the gate, like, I want to be-

[David] Being stealthy-ish. Like-

[Zac] Yeah

[James] Give me stealth checks.

[David] Okay. We're being stealthy.

[sound of dice rolling]

[James] Marge?

[Amanda] 28 from Ghost and I'm on Ghost, um, but a 16 for Marge. [another die rolls and Zac makes a muffled sound in background; Amanda continues] So Ghost is really quiet.

[James] Doesn't matter though because you're covered in heavy armor

[Amanda] I know

[Zac] Which I think is probably why my roll was a one

[Elizabeth laughs]

[Amanda] ohhh

[David] You were trying to make up for Marge's- wait, what?

[Amanda] Wait a second, do you have a negative in stealth?

[Zac] Yeah.

[Amanda] Ugh [laughs]

[Zac] because of the heavy armor

[James] great

[David] Well, I- 22, but doesn't matter, so

[James] Good job, Valdeen

[David] Yeah, great

[James] 16 for Marge-

[Zac] But I got a 25 perception!

[David] So stealthy

[Elizabeth laughs]

[Amanda] 16 and 28

[James] 'Kay. Okay.

[David] My gun's reloaded, by the way.

[James] So, you guys come up to the front of the gate and you're- you're walking up and you're kind of looking out and you're trying to be quiet um but you're crunching through the snow and you guys hear Marge's armor kind of cling clinging against itself and Bolka is singing a hymn very loudly

[laughter]

[Amanda, as Marge] Bolka!

[James] No, he's not; he's not. He's just- he's a beautiful man and it's hard to ignore such a thing. Um, you guys get to the front of the gate and you look out and you see 12 guards [nervous laughter from the players] and an ice troll.

[David] Yeah

[Amanda] And they all see us, too

[James] And they're all just like- they're like- they're like 200 feet away.

[Amanda] Oh

[James] Like, 'yeah, this is far enough away from the tower, if it falls over.'

[David] okay

[James] and about six of them see you guys, and they look really confused for a moment, and then they all reach for their weapons!

[Amanda] Yeah, crap

[James, transitioning into his announcer voice] and we will have to figure out what's going to happen next!

[Zac groans]

[David] Oh, come on! No!

[James, full announce voice] but let us all take a moment to appreciate the main quest of this book! You have completed it! Welcome to the end of Book Two: Marigold has been rescued! [laughter]

[Amanda] Well, that was fast!

[James, continuing in announcer voice] What's gonna happen in Book Three? We'll find out next time on The Dimension Door Podcast!

[Music: "Press Start" by MDK Music plays]

[laughter]

[Amanda] Ah, boy. Alright, alright!

[David] Okay. Yeah, well, we deserve that.

[Amanda] That's okay, Marge still has enough anger in her to take out six guys, so...

[James] I was hoping you guys were gonna get there. I- I was hoping like, yeah, you know if they're stealthy enough and they time it right, they could get out of here.

[Elizabeth starts to speak, but James interrupts] Wait a minute, hold on.

[David] What?

[Zac] We could- what?

[Elizabeth] What?

[Amanda] What?

[Zac] If we just-

[Elizabeth] What?

[James] I have to go back.

[David] Okay

[Elizabeth and Amanda] Oh, why?

[James] because this isn't what happens [record scratch sound; outro music stops]

[Amanda gasps]

[David] Oh shit.

[Amanda] What?

[James] Because I forgot something very important.

[Zac] Well, if it's important, let's do it.

[James] It's the middle of the fucking night!

[Amanda] Yeah!

[James] If they're 200 feet away, they can't see shit!

[David] Yes! They can't see us!

[Elizabeth] Are you s- sure? For real?

[David] Yeah, well, I mean unless there's a bunch of light everywhere...

[Elizabeth] I mean, are there torches or anything lighting the tower?

[David] A little bit

[James] There's torches like in the windows of the tower. There's not stuff like lighting-

[Elizabeth] They don't have anything in the courtyard or their gate?

[Zac] Not around the courtyard.

[James] No! No. Maybe one or two.

[Elizabeth] Idiots

[James] Give me, like-

[Amanda, sing-song] We can sneak out!

[Zac] Elizabeth- Elizabeth, what are you doing?

[David] Yeah, you-

[Zac laughs]

[Elizabeth] No, I'm just- I'm picturing a fort at night, and the only parts that are lit are the gates and the windows...

[James] No, okay, so, you're right, you're right. The gates- the gates are gonna be lit. They would have seen you guys. Okay. Cut all the stuff out where me- I go back; this, the same thing is happening.

[Music: "Press Start" by MDK Music starts over again]

[Elizabeth] I- Sorry, guys. I just felt like, um-

[Amanda] It's okay...

[David] Elizabeth!

[Zac] Elizabeth!

[Music stops]

[Elizabeth] I kind of just want to set them all on fire.

[James] Thank you for listening to The Dimension Door Podcast! As always, our editing and music is by Zac Kreitler, except for our bumper tracks which are by MDK Music and our spell effects are from Syrinscape. Make sure you check out our second show, Severed Fate, on its own podcast feed, and make sure that you are supporting us on Patreon! We have a new $10 tier which includes an online library of content including music tracks that Zac has written for the show, bloopers, and a sweet sweet sweet 20% off coupon to use at our merch store! Thank you to our executive producers: David Lester and Callie Rose. And if you, too, want to be an executive producer, well guess what? You can find that also on Patreon.