[Amanda] Yes

[Zac] Just over, yeah.

[James]. Cool. Ahead, they see a man--burly and tall--slowly limping along the road, headed north towards Heldren. As they watch him in the distance, he suddenly collapses to the ground with a lifeless thud. [thud sound]

[Zac, as Norm] Oh gosh!

[Amanda, as Marge] Well, that's not good.

[James] Inside the house still known to the locals as Old Mother Theodora's, even though Theodora herself passed years ago, her apprentice sits with a deck of cards [sound of cards shuffling] concentrating as she lays a 3x3 grid in front of her. One by one, she turns the cards over, studying them carefully, a single question occupying her mind. A slight frown grows upon her lips as she surveys the cards in front of her: this is a bad omen. The woman's ears perk up as she hears several people excitedly talking outside. [as villager] A man was found on the side of the road, collapsed, with deep wounds and signs of frostbite. [as GM, narrating again] A traveler sits in the town's tavern, The Silver Stoat, after a long ride through the hot summer day. He orders a pint of their signature Three Devils Ale and looks around. The place is a buzz of conversation, all of which seems to be centered around mysterious travelers that brought a man, half dead, into their town for medical treatment. [as tavern patron] Sounds like he's lucky to be alive. [as another patron] The fortune teller says it's an omen of what's to come. [as a third patron] I heard the council is posting a bounty to hire an investigator. [as GM, narrating] At that, the man at the bar downs his almost-full beer. Placing a coin on the bar, he stands up and starts walking to the door. We open inside of a growing-exceedingly-crowded apothecary store. We see a tall, burly man with blonde hair, covered in bandages. Uh, areas of his face have grown purple or black, and he is sitting in a chair. A apothecary stands behind a counter and is mixing something, and looking around the room, we see five other uh individuals. One of them is a woman with a square jaw, hair slightly graying, pulled back into a tight bun. She is wearing a button-up shirt and slacks, and she is leaning against the wall, surveying everybody else in the room. So, tell us, our lovely players: who is in this room? Zac, why don't you start?

[Zac] You see what- you see- You're aware that there is such a thing as a race called ratfolk

[James] Yes

[Zac] but what you see is slightly cuter than that. So, there's no such thing as mousefolk, but that's what this would look like, and that's what most people would call this if they saw it. So, he's basically a very very cute ratfolk. Um, I'm thinking Tom Bosley, um, big cheeks-

[James] Once again, as we keep playing, every single time, I have no idea who your actor is

[laughter]

[James] Really big cheeks

[Zac] Big cheeks, big smile, like big, very friendly, very welcoming eyes; doesn't look like he's stopped smiling for the last you know 25, 30 years. Um, but if you look him up and down, his clothes that he's wearing, um, look like they are intended to be like fancy and ornate, but if you look just a little bit closer, like they're actually just kind of slapped together. Like, he's got a a ruffled collar, but it's not really ruffled--it's just like a strip of cotton that's wrinkled up and bunched up. Like he's trying to- he's he's at a point in his life where he's trying to project like, this is, 'I'm just living fancy and having as much fun as possible.' He's wearing a hat that is so fancy it doesn't really look like it fits on his quite like friendly, normal face.

[laughter]

[James] I love it. Uh, what- what color is his cute little mousy fur?

[Zac] There's a little bit of white and it's mostly a blend of of brown and gray, brown and like a silverish gray.

[James] Okay. Yeah, I like it. I like it a lot. Uh, and probably standing directly next to him, uh, we have another uh rat-mousefolk

[Amanda, laughs] Yes. She's probably not as cute as he is, though. [laughs]

[Zac] What's your charisma score?

[Amanda, laughing] Not as not as good as yours is. She is a- you can tell she's probably a bit more down to earth because she's a bit more plain looking; she doesn't- she's not trying to put on airs and look like she's better than she is. Um, you know

[James] What a dig

[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]

[Zac] Called out

[Elizabeth] Ooh

[Amanda] She loves you anyway, though.

[Zac chuckles]

[Amanda] Um, you bring the adventure. [laughs] Um, she's got like brown not like long pants just kind of like shorts; she's trying to be a bit more modest walking around in a town, she's not going to just walk around and just her fur like normal when you know they're out adventuring in the wilderness because you know they're covered in fur that's like clothes.

[Elizabeth] That's true, that's true

[Amanda] So she does have, but they're brown and they blend right in with her fur, so if you look at her in just for a second you wouldn't actually be able to tell that she's wearing pants

[Zac] Like when a human wears a flesh-colored jumpsuit

[Amanda] Right. You kind of get a double-take, 'wait a second...' Um, but she does, she has dark brown fur. Um, she's got a little bit of white in the face, um, and she is wearing um- she's got a backpack on, very like a smaller backpack, nothing too too big. Not sure what's--oh, well, you guys wouldn't be sure what's in it; she knows what's in it. [general laughter, Amanda continues] I'm not- I'm not gonna tell you what I'm carrying around.

[Zac, imitating Donald Trump] Got some great things in there, really big- big, beautiful things happening in my backpack. [Amanda laughs, Zac continues with impression] You guys are going to be so impressed.

[Amanda] It's amazing. [Zac and Amanda laugh, Amanda continues] Her- her- She's got black eyes. You can't really tell any distinct color. Did you say what color your eyes are?

[Zac] I'm sorry: mine are pink. I didn't say.

[Amanda] Oh, okay. Anyway, so they do look a bit different from each other. Like, you could tell they were not born- they're not siblings or anything.

[Zac] Well because- because he's a Kreiter and you're a Kreet-ler, so you're completely different-

[Amanda] Exactly

[Zac] -eye colors altogether

[laughter]

[Amanda] Uh, on her right now um is, she's just wearing her- her pants and then she does have a light shirt on that's a lighter tan color, um, and you know, and her backpack. She's pulling things out, and--bandages, things like that--trying to- trying to help the guy who's, uh, who's hurt, and...So, nothing too fancy; she's not out going for battle or anything, yet, so

[James] Very cool. And- and sitting next to the two cute couple ratfolk is a giant weasel.

[Amanda] It is a young giant weasel.

[James] A young giant weasel

[Amanda] So it is small, like- like us little ratfolk, rat-mouse-folk. It is um alert, but still kind of curled up. It has red eyes and um brown fur with tufts of white, like you can see the- the fur is changing as it's getting older.

[James] Okay

[Amanda] So, it's kind of a mixture of like different shades of brown and some white, and um red eyes, and super cute nose that, you know, twitches.

[James] That's adorable

[Amanda laughs, says] and her name is Ghost.

[James, in the light tone of someone speaking to a cute animal] Oh, hi Ghost

[deep animal snort sound]

[Amanda] No, it's a squeak, not a snort [laughs]

[Zac] No, she's- she snorts and squeaks

[Elizabeth laughs]

[Zac] She communicates through a series of squeaks and snorts, and occasionally clicks

[Amanda] Alright

[Zac snorts with laughter]

[James] Uh, Elizabeth, where is your character in this room and what does she look like?

[Elizabeth] My character is hovering over the injured gentleman. She looks incredibly irritated that he is trying to be in a more upright position; if it was up to her, this man would still be under bed rest, but situation prevails. Her name is Vasilisa Morozova, and she's a human woman of average height, who looks to be about 30 years old. Her long black hair is typically in a loose braid, and it is right now; it's covered with a brightly-colored head scarf patterned in red and gold. She's got pale blue eyes and extremely fair skin that's covered in a fine dusting of freckles; you can tell that she tends to get a lot of sun. She wears long skirts and they're in all sorts of hues of red and orange and yellow, and over her outfit is a simple leather over-skirt. She has two pouches at her waist, one that's full of the odds and ends that she uses for spell casting, and the other that is usually full of whatever herbs and berries tend to be in season. At her neck you can see two pendants: an ivory carving of a walrus and a simple clear crystal sphere set in some copper wire. She's also got a Harrow deck with her--she is never found without her harrow deck tucked somewhere upon her person. Sometimes she just slips it in at her blouse, sometimes it's at her belt, but it's always there. And she has this lingering scent of incense about her, as she tends to burn that whenever she does a reading.

[James] Very cool. And does everybody here know what a Harrow deck is?

[Zac] I just assumed she was mispronouncing Tarot until I saw the actual packaging and it said Harrow on it, so- [Amanda laughs, Zac continues] -is- is it Tarot?

[Elizabeth] Harrow is basically Tarot in Pathfinder

[Zac] That's kind of what I- okay. I met y- I met you halfway.

[Elizabeth] So, it's the Pathfinder, Golarian version of what we think of as Tarot. She's a cartomancer, so she, you know, has her deck, and will be doing a lot of things with the cards.

[Zac] And this is- Golarion's a world where like this stuff actually works, right?

[James] Yes.

[David] Mhm

[James] Yeah, Golarion is-

[Zac] Magic

[James] -a world where magic exists, gods like exist, like, there's many, many gods who have like celestial, otherworldly, interdimensional power; that is a fact of the world we live in.

[Zac] Here's something I wonder about Golarion: is it also like our world, in that even though these things are real, are there still fakers and shysters and people pretending?

[David] Oh, I'm sure

[James] Oh yeah, absolutely

[Zac] B- but why, if you could actually just do the real thing?

[David] High charisma score [laughs]

[Elizabeth] I mean, it's a lot-

[Amanda] If you don't have the powers, but you have the charisma

[David] Right?

[Elizabeth] Right, right.

[laughter]

[Zac] Just be a con man.

[Amanda] Yeah

[Elizabeth] It's a lot cheaper to trick someone into thinking you've got a working potion than to actually make a working potion.

[David] Yeah

[Zac] So, it's a money- it's a profit deal.

[James] Yeah

[Amanda, laughing] It usually is

[David] It all goes back to capitalism, every time.

[Amanda] Right. Right?!

[Elizabeth] Every time.

[James] Uh, and the final person standing around in this shop, uh, what's he up to? What's he look like?

[David] So, if you were to look around the room, you'd notice other people that are kind of busy about doing things, and you might you might notice a man kind of standing off to the side. Um, he- he's leaning against a wall, and as he's kind of leaning back you notice his height: he is uh he's about 6'10", so he's a little tall- he's a little taller side.

[James] Fuck

[David] He's um, he's- he's a thin, a bit on the um, almost narrow, you would kind of say; you kind of think of like a tall, thin person is a very good just way of thinking of his uh his physical stature. He's almost a bit rigid, too, and he he seems as if he's ready to burst into action any moment. He's kind of prepared. He's kind of got a a sense about him like he's ready to move, if needed. um. If you tried to look over his appearance, you'd notice a, um, a messy head of black, unkempt hair kind of just kind of falls naturally about; it looks like it probably has not been washed in a while, so it's a little on the more rugged, dirty side. He's got a dirty shirt that matches and uh a vest, a dark gray vest that goes over that. Um, you- you wouldn't- um, you wouldn't miss the holster draped around his waist that off to the right hand side sits a pistol and, um, his- um, his boots are similar to his dark vest; they're dark gray boots that he wears. And some brown like riding pants; it looks like- looks like he's been riding--looks like he probably wears the same pants that he rides horses in and continues to travel in it, looks like he pretty much just got off the road. He's- he looks like he's got a lot of road, you know, dirt and dust and things like that.

[Zac] So h- his hair is like messy and dirty, but is it messy and dirty like in a sexy way?

[David] Exactly, so-

[Zac] Is it like Jon Snow, kind of?

[Elizabeth laughs]

[David] So, actually- so, here's- here's the- the cast that plays, um, that plays Valdeen--his name is Valdeen--

[Zac] James has never heard of him

[Amanda and Elizabeth laugh]

[David] Um, actually, he- he has heard of Jim Caviezel, so...

[Zac] Ohh

[David] Is- that's who you would see.

[James] I don't know who that is [laughs]

[David] You don't know? Oh [laughs]

[Zac] He's Jesus! How funny because it's Easter, too, you pick Jesus-

[Amanda] I mean, it's Superman or Jesus

[James] Yeah.

[David] Yeah

[James] I've never heard of that man before.

[David] Yeah. Okay.

[Elizabeth] Actor names are not James's forte

[James] Nope. They are not at all.

[David] I thought he would know this one. Ah, okay.

[Elizabeth] Meanwhile, you are literally more than a foot taller than the average-heightened Vasilisa. How much taller- is he twice as tall?

[Zac] The- the two ratfolks could stand- The two ratfolks could stand on top of each other-

[Elizabeth] and still be shorter?

[Zac] and still be like maybe eye to eye

[James] Are you sure that you're a medium creature?

[Elizabeth] This is beautiful. No- Look-

[David] Well, m- Maybe I'm not quite 6'10"- Might have been a little-

[Zac] We're small, we're small

[Elizabeth] I- I- A large creature would be seven to- would be like eight to twelve feet

[Amanda] Yeah, yeah

[Elizabeth] So, definitely the tall side of medium, and I can't wait to cast enlarge person on with you one day

[Amanda laughs]

[David] That's awesome

[Elizabeth] For kicks and giggles. I could also-

[Amanda] You know, it'd be easy to pick him out of a crowd, too

[Elizabeth] -en-smallify you, reduce you, make you more Norm-sized, so...

[Zac] Ooo, you should reduce the ratfolks

[James] Yeah

[Amanda, chuckles, says] We could crawl through walls!

[Elizabeth] Ooh, tiny ratfolk! Do I just call you giant rats at that point? [Amanda laughs, Elizabeth continues] Are you the size- are tiny ratfolk the size of a giant rat?

[James] I don't know

[Zac] I'd go into the air duct vents and we could sneak into the mainframe and chew through the wires and, oh, this is gonna be great.

[Elizabeth] Do all sorts of things

[Amanda, laughing] There's mainframes...

[Zac] There's mainframes and wires in this campaign, right, James?

[Elizabeth] Right? We're going to Numeria?

[James] Uh, not in- Probably not in this one-

[Amanda] This is- This is not Iron Gods

[James] This is- this isn't Numeria. Uh, electricity, batteries, that kind of stuff does not exist in this world as far- I know.

[Elizabeth] As are as some of us know

[James] In this land. Anyway, uh, so that is our- our player cast, all standing around in this room. Now, the woman I said that was leaning against the wall

[Zac] Yeah

[James takes a breath]

[Zac] She's got time to lean, she's got time to clean. Is she just standing doing nothing?

[laughter]

[Amanda] Dude...

[David] She- she's leaning right next to Valdeen? What's going on here?

[James] I- you-

[Zac] Got the Valdeen lean going on?

[James] -you know, she has been in there and people just like keep showing up, um... Who was first to arr- The first to arrive would have been-

[Amanda] Were the ra- yeah

[Zac] Well, we brought- we brought-

[James] Yeah, you guys brought the man in here

[Zac] Yeah

[Amanda] That is correct

[James] Uh, so- so, she was- just been, like, you guys brought him in and have just been like going over him and checking--This is the apothecary shop, so you guys are telling her like 'oh, you should definitely do this and get this ready for him' and everything and like, you're telling her to do her job, but also she's a bit like taken up back by two adorable little mouse people bringing in a giant burly man [Amanda laughs, James continues] so she's just like she's a bit in shock, but she's going with it.

[Elizabeth] And is this female the apothecary? Because there were two, right?

[James] Yes, there are two in here. Uh, the apothecary is female, um, but the woman standing against the wall is not the apothecary; she looks more like some sort of official. So, you guys bring in this man and you're going over him, you're talking to the apothecary, and shortly after that, um, without knocking on the door, I think, uh, Elizabeth, your character walks in-

[Elizabeth] mhm

[James] -and also starts doting over the man and talking about a bunch of different stuff, I'm sure? Does that sound right?

[Elizabeth] Well, Vasilisa comes in because she's called for whenever there's need to do any sort of healing or-

[James] Yes.

[Elizabeth] -and this is a strange situation, where it looks like maybe there's something magical going on because frostbite in the middle of summer isn't super normal. So, she's checking for magic effects, she's fussing, she's prodding, she's rechecking the work already done by everyone else because habit--very good bandaging, by the way; your first aid skills are great, I'm sure. [sound of a die rolling] I assume?

[Amanda] I mean, we are a doctor and a nurse, so...

[Zac] Natural one

[Amanda laughs]

[Elizabeth] Uhh...

[Zac] You're very kind to lie

[Amanda keeps laughing]

[Elizabeth] So, really, that should be more sarcastic, so, uh here we go--

[Zac, sarcastic] Great job

[Elizabeth, as Vasilisa] Very good bandaging. It is, I am sure, the best you could do.

[Zac] Okay, see, this is-

[Elizabeth] Meanwhile, she is redoing all of the bandages

[Zac] All of your sarcasm was in your eyebrows, and it was a lot

[Elizabeth] It was

[Zac] It was a lot, but I don't think it's gonna-

[Elizabeth] That's true; it might not carry over

[Zac and Elizabeth laugh]

[James] I think we'll be fine [Zac laughs, James continues] And then, finally, after that, uh, in walks this six-foot-ten

[Amanda] giant

[James] tall drink of water

[laughter]

[David] Yeah, actually, I think he's six- I think he's six feet tall. I think- I think that was a typ- a typo

[Zac] Wait, what?

[Elizabeth laughs]

[Zac] That's a-

[James] That's a-

[Zac] That a big jump

[David] Yeah. I- I think-

[James] That's okay. That's okay.

[Elizabeth] He lost a lot of height, there, but, I mean-

[David] It was really tall; that was not quite-

[Amanda] He was standing on a chair

[James] Yeah

[David] Yeah

[James] Uh, he- he takes- he walks in and everyone sees him like 'whoa, he's six- six foot ten!' and then he uh takes two steps down into the actual room, which is below floor level

[everyone laughs]

[James] Everyone's like 'oh, six foot, yeah...that makes sense'

[Zac, Amanda, and Elizabeth all make sounds of realization/assent] ohhh, mmm

[Amanda laughs]

[James] Um, and meanwhile, so all of this happens in very quick succession, um, but when the- the tall uh man walks into the room, the woman leaning against the wall kind of like perks up and looks around, is like [as the woman, Ionnia Teppen] This- Is- is this just- So- Is this a party? Did I miss something? Uh, okay, uh, so, you all- Sorry, uh, go over this again. Um, Vasilisa, thank you for coming. Um...

[Zac, as Norm] We were- we were just out riding and we just, we found him. He- We actually- He was- he was upright when we saw him, but then we saw him fall.

​